Traffic [Valduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant Fanfiction]

Gifts

Valkyrie nearly freaked out. She was trying very, very hard not to freak out, but she was grinning. She could feel it on her face, and she looked at Skulduggery.

"You got me a bike?"

Skulduggery was busy adjusting his tie. "I thought I told you not to make a big deal out of it," he muttered, his tie giving him a very tough time of it. "It's a welcoming home gift."

Valkyrie moved toward the motorcycle, hands outstretched, but she didn't dare touch it. "God," she breathed, "it's gorgeous."

"Isn't it?" Skulduggery said, standing straighter and cocking his head. "A Ducati Monster 1200 S, six speed; a beast if there ever was one. Leather seats. Enchanted by the same sorcerers who work the Bentley."

Valkyrie finally brought herself to touch the handles. "I can't ride a motorcycle."

"I know."

"I crashed Tanith's bike once. She never told you that because she knew you'd kill her. I'm really bad at riding them, actually." Valkyrie let out a little laugh.

"I know that, too. And don't fret—I told the man to get an easy bike."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow, but she didn't tear her eyes away. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I know you're a little slow..."

She looked up sharply. "Slow?"

"And sometimes, you're a little dim-witted. You have a shocking lack of commonsense, as well." Skulduggery gave a helpless little shrug. "I took that into account."

"Don't make me hurt you."

Skulduggery held up his hands. "All I'm saying is that I asked the man for a motorcycle that would be easy for someone with your... special condition to handle."

Valkyrie squinted at him. "Did you tell them that I was stupid?"

"Not in so many words—"

"You told the people at the motorbike place I was stupid?"

"No."

"You did!" Valkyrie looked at her bike like it had run over her dog. "I can't believe it."

Skulduggery stood next to her. "Now, Valkyrie, I'm sure you'll be able to ride the bike just fine."

"Did you think I wouldn't when you got me the damn thing?"

He hesitated.

"Oh my God," Valkyrie breathed, "I hate you."

Skulduggery laughed and patted her back. "I can teach you."

"No, I want Tanith to."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Last time she taught you, you crashed."

Valkyrie shrugged, hands coming up with the gesture. "Well, jees, sorry Skulduggery, you'd probably go too fast for me. You know, on the account of me being stupid and all."

"It was a joke, dear."

"Now the whole building thinks I'm stupid." And Valkyrie's façade cracked and she grinned.

Skulduggery looked at her. "Wonderful to have you back." He laughed again.

"You did miss me."

"Of course. I got you a bike that matched your IQ level. If that doesn't show I missed you and how considerate I am of you, I'm not sure what would."