When I wasn't Really There

I can't handle change - Roar

Donnie didn't know what to do.

He initially thought that if he wrote down all his symptoms then he could come to a conclusion and then a solution.

But he couldn't find a solution.

He was just at a conclusion.

Donnie curled into himself, his lungs rattled and his eyes stung. His headache pulsed and his injuries tingled uncomfortably.

"bread"

Donnie couldn't help but snort. This was stupid. This was so stupid.

"Maybe Leo's right..." Donnie mumbled to himself. "Maybe I am possessed,"

"please mind the gaps between what is real and what is not uwu"

Donnie buried his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut.

What did that mean? Mind the gap?

What—what did any of this mean?

He didn't even remember when he began to rock, he just knows at some point he started. Maybe he would just stay like this for a little bit.

Donnie stayed like that for a little bit.

—||—

Donnie came out of himself. His eyes were tacky and every bone in his body felt a million times heavier.

A song started. Some simple piano, rhythmic and blunt.

'I returned a bag of groceries, accidentally taken off the shelf—'

Donnie shuddered. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the fact that the sound was coming from inside himself. Somewhere...somehow. Donnie really hoped he wasn't crazy.

The song continued.

"Oof, you're not having a good time are you buddy? I wouldn't worry too much about this... well I mean I would,"

Donnie huffed, he wanted to roll his eyes but that sounded like it take effort and Donnie didn't really want to do effort at the moment.

"you're hearing voices, but like... we don't mean you any harm. Well... actually I can't guarantee that, but most of us are okay. Besides, worst we can actually do is scream really, really loudly."

Well at least that one seemed nice.

"Bold of you to assume I can't tell extremely unsettling facts too :3"

What...?

"Dude..."

Okay. So the voices talk to each other. Good to know. (Was that normal hallucination behavior? He didn't think so.) It was kind of weird to hear a voice that wasn't his, rattling around in his skull. The layered, distorted voices pushing up against each other like salt water foam on a beach. It was...a little like white noise. Crashing and falling. Some of them sharper, some of them milder, some of them sounded younger and some even older. If he listened closely, they all sounded like completely different people.

The song tapered out on a final note and ended.

This was an awfully complex hallucination that didn't come with any accompanying anxiety, paranoia, disorganized thinking, erratic behavior, decreased emotional responses or impaired working memory that it should have. That was what the internet had told him.