Abomination (Ryden)

Chapter 32

Ryan is quiet the whole ride home from the clinic. He stares out the back window, his hand gripped tightly in mine, resting between our legs. I run my thumb along his, comfortingly, and every few minutes he'll squeeze mine back in acknowledgment, or maybe, I figure it's way of telling me he's not mad at me (or at least, I hope).

There's some good news and bad news.

The good news is,that I'm clean. The bad news is that I wont know if I'm negative or not (which I better fucking be, or someone's going down - namely, Ethan) until sometime next week, or worse yet, maybe even the week after. Which is totally just not fair like, at all. Why is it that you can find out almost immediately about all the other STDs, but I have to wait a week (if not longer) for the most important one of all. They make you sit and sweat, and wonder, and pretty much just go insane with worry.

Ryan didn't bother getting tested at all because I'm the only one he's ever slept with, so really, what's the point of him having his dick poked and prodded too? Even though, I have to admit, a part of me would have felt so much better if I had someone else to go through the pain and humiliation with. However, I guess I'm just a good, selfless boyfriend like that, right?

I catch my mom sneaking concerned glances at us through the rear view mirror every few minutes, and it's not 'till about three quarters of the way home before she finally opens her mouth and decides to say something. "Look, guys, I know it's really nerve-racking, but you can't let yourself get all worked up over it, waiting. It's just not healthy."

Ryan keeps his eyes transfixed out the window and his mouth closed. I look my mom in the eye through the mirror, my thumb still running absentmindedly against his.

She sighs, biting onto her bottom lip. "Honestly," she continues, "Brendon, if you were as careful as you said you were, I'm sure you don't have anything to worry about. Plus, if Ethan does have it, I'm sure he would know by now and would have contacted you."

I have a feeling this whole speech is more directed at Ryan than me, because I obviously already know all of this, and I'm really not all that worried. I'm still about 99% sure I'm perfectly fine and negative, and I'm planning on keeping it that way for a long, long, long time to come (okay, well, I'm actually just not planning on getting it at all, but you know).

The thing is though, is that it's Ryan's freaking out that's kind of rubbing off on me, not making me feel so great. However, unless he's mad at me and storming out of the house (to go hang out with Dayna), I can't really blame him, I mean, because like I said before, I was pretty much the exact same way with Ethan. And I know, if me and Ethan ever forgot to use a condom during sex, I'd probably handle it a whole lot worse than Ryan is handling it right now with me. I'm just not freaking out now, because I know Ryan's a virgin, so it's not like I really have to worry about getting it from him.

Ugh. I just want to get our results back so this whole thing can be over and done with for good. Is that so hard to ask?!

Apparently.

I turn to look at Ryan, who's still staring at the window, and he barely even lets out a nod of recognition. I don't even think he listened to anything my mom said.

Through the rear view mirror, my mom's eyes reply for her. I tried, they say.

I sigh, and fall back against the back of the seat because she did, and there's not really anything anyone can say about it anymore.

Well, not until we hear back from the clinic... whenever that'll be.

- - -

Tuesday afternoon in art class, me and Jon decide that on Friday we're going to have a BFF night, and it's going to fucking awesome.