Blessant (GirlxGirl. Lesbian story)

Part 13.

Kathleen's P.O.V:

The small motel room is dark. Black, besides the light of the sky trying to sneak under the curtains. I sit on the closed toilet in the small bathroom, drops of blood in the sink as the blade sits on the edge. I scroll through my Instagram, watching videos of Anna and I, her beautiful smile with those plump lips of hers shining with radiance. My heart cringed. I nearly cracked a smile at the video of us high out of our minds during our thanksgiving trip. I'm trying to balance on stones over a river at two thirty at night. I end up tripping, my book bag flying off my shoulders and Anna's boisterous laugh starting in the background. I take a swing from the fireball bottle, trying to numb the pain I feel. It's not working. I grab my blade and walk to the little bed and stared down at the small bag of blue pills. I grabbed two, walked to the little living room and smashed them and put three lines on the glass table. I inhaled the first line, trying to erase the memory of Anna's lips on my skin with the white devil that I am snorting. The second line goes gone as I try to imagine the pain I've put her in from leaving.
"Ugh!" I gasped, my head thrown back as I held my nose.
"One..more." I crooked. I took a deep breath and snorted it, gasping as I clenched my eyes shut. I opened them, and felt the numbness take over me. I stood and walked to the small fridge, having no food. This means I have to leave. I grabbed my wallet and threw my black beanie on and threw my black hoodie over it, before walking into the bathroom. I stared in the mirror, my skin so pale I look like a ghost. There's purple bags around my empty, wide eyes, my pupils so dilated you barely see the blue iris. I sniffed, looking down into the bloody sink. I've cut really deep, this time. Blood fell out my white arm like a waterfall. It poured into the sink, the smell hitting me like a truck. I walked out the motel room, walking down the stairs, ignoring the eyes that roamed up and down my body. I walked out the building, the cold March air filling my nose. The sun is going down. Perfect. I pulled a cigarette from my pocket and lit it, the nicotine adding to the numbness. I walked into a small Italian restaurant and sat down, looking at the menu.
"Hi, I'm Tanya, I'll be your waitress for tonight. What would you like as a beverage?" She asked. I looked up at her and she analyzed my face as I pushed off my hoodie and my hat.
"I'll have a Long Island ice tea, please." I answered, my voice monotone. She nodded, writing that down in her note pad.
"Are you ready to order your meal, or do you need a little time?" She asked. I analyzed her, her large brown eyes staring down at me, her brown skin reminding me of the girl that I'm trying to avoid thinking of. Her braids laying down her back.
"Uh.. No. Not yet. A little more time, please." I answered. She nodded, staring at me a little longer, before walking away, her hips having a little more sway in them than before. Sorry, sweetie. Not interested. She soon came back with my drink and I sipped, looking through the menu.
"Let me get lasagna, please?" I asked. She nodded, and took the menu. She took off and I went on my phone, plugging in my headphones. Anna used to send me voicemails, but then she stopped. It broke my heart, but I had to do it. I stopped sleeping, I couldn't function properly. My sex drive was off the roof. I was so depressed. I'm bad for her.
"Kate. A text. A call. Just give me a sign. Please. I miss you so much. I can't do it without you." I heard her voice slur. She was obviously drunk. She doesn't know I'm still in New York. I couldn't be too far away. I couldn't.
"Baby, come home. Come to me." The next one said. The next one made me smile so hard because she doesn't mean it. I know she doesn't.
"You're an idiot, you know that, princess? You just fucking leave me? Fuck you. Fuck. You. You're the devil. You show what's all good and sweet, then you just ruin me. I hate you. So much. I fucking hate you. I hope you have a nice fucking life." Her voice was filled with anger. I smiled, but it quickly dropped as I listened to the next one.
"Why'd you do it? We could've done something together. I wanted to marry you. You hurt me so bad." She cried. Tears welled in my eyes, but I blinked them away. I went on Instagram and stalked her page. She doesn't post much, but this post had me so concerned. It's a picture of a stripper on a pole.
'Every Saturday.' She captioned it. I saw people commenting about me. Asking what happened, why is she at the strip club. Why aren't I there, and blasé. I sighed, grabbing a breadstick. I ate it slowly, and downed the alcohol. Tanya finally came out with my food and I started to eat. I haven't eaten in days. I've been drunk out of my mind, crying and watching porn on the tv. I stood to throw up a few times and ended up cutting my arms and thighs. I never welcomed room service in, knowing I will get in trouble from the amount of drugs and alcohol in my room, along with the dried blood everywhere. I've been gone three months and I'm a mess. I barely have money, I can't sleep, I can't do anything. I feel the pain start to come back so I asked to pack up my leftovers and paid for my food and left the restaurant. As I was walking, I bumped into someone and I said sorry, but they grabbed my arm. As I was getting ready to scream, they wrapped me into a hug and I instantly knew who it was.
"Sara?" I asked. The urge to cry filled my being as I wrapped my arms around her waist.
"Kathleen. Oh god. It's been months." She cried. I pulled back and she took a good look at me, her eyes filling with tears.
"Please. Come with me. You don't have to stay, but please." She asked. I thought about it for a second. I mean, I do want to know how Anna is so I agree. She takes me to her home and I made myself comfortable.
"You don't look so good." She said as she sat on the couch, handing me a glass of water. I downed it.
"I'm fine." I crooked.
"Take off your hoodie. You'll get hot." Sara said. I froze. My cuts.
"Uh, no. I'm fine. I best get going soon." I replied.
"No, please don't leave yet." She begged.
"I have to. I'm not supposed to be here." My voice was hoarse.
"She's not good, Kate. She's not. She's doing drugs. I found a stash in her room, Kathleen. Please we need you." She dropped to her knees.
"I can't. I'm in bad shape." I whispered.
"You can help each other." She said. I shook my head, standing up. She pulled on my sweater, causing it to slip off my body and she gasped. I glared at her.
"Oh god. I'm sorry." She stared at my arms, crying. I took my sweater and put it back on, zipping it.
"Like I said. I'm not in good shape." After saying that, I left the house. Maybe me leaving was a bad idea. I groaned and walked to the nearest bar. I need a drink. I walked in, not realizing it was a strip club. Not realizing life will catch me, tonight. I ordered a drink, taking off my hood and my hat. I drank and drank, and sat on the couch in front of the strippers. I watched them dance and continued to intoxicate myself. Why does this stripper look so familiar? as I was thinking, I felt someone touch my shoulder and I turned.
"Kate." She whispered. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Why, tonight? Of all nights? My heart started to beat rapidly as energy flowed through my veins. My body reacted instantly to the touch and the face of the goddess in front of me. My goddess.
"Anna." I gasped.

Short. I know. Intense. I know.