Snippets of Madam Sirr (S1)

Chapter 4

********************************

Haseena and KS stopped near a bench under the dark blanket of the night. The sky was strewn together with stars, blinking and disappearing within the blink of an eye. The night breeze enveloped them both invoking a sense of relief and calming that contrasted deeply with the tension and unease experienced by them both.

They sat down, looking up at the night sky, each unsure of what to do or say. They were silent, not even daring to move, until Haseena broke the silence. She turned towards KS.

"KS, are you angry with me?"

KS looked at Haseena, her anger vanishing within seconds as she heard Haseena's voice.

"No." she said.

Haseena knew that it was a lie. KS too knew that she lied. Haseena sighed a deep exhale.

"KS...please tell me the truth", Haseena pleaded with her.

KS didn't look up. She was twiddling with her hands. She was silent for a long time contemplating what to say. The night wind brushed past her, uncurling her locks of hair, spraying a cold mist over her frozen body.

"Madam Sir...." She finally exhaled. "I'm not angry with you...honestly. I'm just a little....disappointed."

Her words hit Haseena like a brick. She quickly closed her eyes blocking the rush of tears.

What can I even say to KS? She is disappointed in me. How can I ever undo that, Haseena wondered as the gravity of the mission fell squarely on her shoulders.

"KS..."

KS interrupted her. "No madam sir. I'm not done. Madam Sir...I know that you were on a mission", her voice trailed off, the underlying frustrations seeping through. "But...you could have at least told me...."

"Madam Sir....seeing you die...witnessing it with my own eyes....that was one of the most horrible moments of my life..." she said, her voice falling in whispers, her eyes filing out tears. "And then....you came back...as Urmila....and you didn't even tell me..." KS broke down.

KS was dragged away to the past. She was standing on the edge of the cliff, her uniform stained with blood. She saw as clear as day how she witnessed Haseena falling down the cliff until the vehicle exploded in a ball of orange fumes. Another shot. Another memory arose. She saw her brother, Anubhav, whom she loved more than nothing aim his gun at Haseena and shoot her. KS recalled how her hand trembled yet she trained her gun and shot. He fell down. He was dead.

KS opened her eyes with a gasp. She was shivering. Haseena's hand brought her back. She gently rocked herself back to the present.

Haseena edged closer to her. She placed her hand on KS's shoulder, a firm but gentle reminder that she was here.

"KS...nothing can ever excuse what I did....I don't know how I'll ever be able to earn your forgiveness..." Haseena trailed, her voice sobbing and breaking down in bouts of wheezing breaths. "I was helpless KS...."

Haseena's voice faltered as she recalled how she thrust upon an impossible mission, investigating her own team. Haseena was torn between her duty and her family. She was made to exist in an entirely impossible situation. Haseena remembered the days where she thought of disclosing her identity but she stopped herself. She was helpless. There was nothing she could have done.

They remained silent, encasing each other's hands, deeply and firmly. They pulled their heads together, each crying in their own silence, the tears wetting both their palms.

"KS....will you ever be able to forgive me...?" Haseena asked, staring deep into her eyes.

"Madam Sir...I forgave you a long time ago...I was just unable to let go of my pain..."

Haseena let out a sigh. The words she desperately needed to hear churned in her heart, releasing the depth of her demons, one by one, bit by bit.

"Madam Sir.....this mission....I lost my brother with it....I can't lose you too....not again."

"KS, I promise you....I'll never leave you...Never again..."

The pair embraced hugging each other deeply almost crushing both their bodies. They let everything out, washing away the past, the guilt and the regret as they ensconced one another, embracing the warmth etched on by the silence.

KS had no words to express how long she had waited for this moment. Ever since, Haseena arrived, KS walked like a zombie, the deadweight of the mission pulling her down. KS had to shoot her own brother, the brother she'd known her entire life after he attempted to shoot Haseena. As the tears piled, KS was reminded of her promise that she'll never let any harm come to her madam sir. Not while KS was still breathing. KS felt he anguish of losing her brother but she was consoled by the family she had found, with her deep friendship with madam sir. She knew that she loved Haseena and would do anything to make her happy.

Haseena finally closed her eyes in peace. She finally saw the light instead of the darkness that she carried within. KS was the light of her heart, the lamp of her life. Their friendship was special in a way that Haseena could never describe with words. Haseena still nursed the demons from her mission with her witnessing the gruesome death of the man she had loved. But Haseena knew that she was not alone in this battle and that she had more than enough ammo with her. KS was all she needed.

"Madam Sir you finally succeeded in making my bhaukhal into emotions" KS said as she wiped away her eyes.

Haseena laughed playfully swatting at KS's arm. "I told you KS that I'll make you emotional one day."

The pair released the embrace, their cheeks plastered with tears. They sat, side by side, the camaraderie and trust returning as the welcomed back the silence.

********************************