Snippets of Madam Sirr (S1)

Chapter 4

Haseena smiled ignoring the aching pain in her.

"Yes Puspha Ji...I know that but...what I did....with the mission..."

Puspha Ji interrupted her. "Madam Sir...you did nothing but your duty and....we all know that..."

"Puspha Ji....I may have done my duty but...I failed you all...as a family" she said looking down and pinching her thumbs.

Puspha Ji got up suddenly, pushing the chair aside in a violent thrust. She had anger in her eyes. Haseena almost gulped. Pushpa Ji looked like a reincarnation of her own ammi and Haseena was certain that her ammi would have painfully twitched her ear right about now. Would Pushpa Ji too, she wondered.

"Madam Sir what are you saying. You haven't failed anyone. We are all really proud of you."

Haseena still couldn't accept what she said.

"Pushpa Ji, honestly tell me are you...angry with me?" Haseena asked, almost regretting it seeing Puspha Ji's anger again.

"Madam Sir....." her voice was trembling. "If you ask that one more time, I'll...hit you...." She said.

Haseena laughed, tears spilling out of her eyes. She calmed down yet the pain that still ravaged her mind was unbearable.

Haseena madam is still not believing me, thought Pushpa Ji. I have to do something. I cannot see my own daughter suffering like this, blaming herself for a fault that is not even hers. It was hard for Pushpa Ji to see her daughter suffer to such an extent. She knew that Haseena was a promising and capable officer. She knew that as a mother, she couldn't have been more proud of what Haseena had achieved. Yet, Puspha Ji also knew that Haseena was hard on herself, that she blamed herself for everything, that she carried the whole world on her shoulders. Puspha Ji had seen both her daughters crack under, both Haseena and KS, neither willing to admit their pain. Puspha Ji knew that she had to do something before it was too late.

"Madam Sir...come with me" Puspha Ji said as she dragged Haseena by the arm before she could protest. She stopped in front of the others, who now stood and greeted her. Haseena was surprised. She kept staring at Pushpa Ji.

"Madam Sir, once for all clear all your doubts. Ask them...and please be back to being our madam sir..." she almost pleaded.

Haseena looked around the room and saw that KS was missing, the person she needed the most. She sighed and looked at Cheetah and SS, whose faces were concerned.

Looking around at her team, Haseena was reminded of their unity and strength. How they all stood together, as a family. The weight in her heart grew in intensity as each memory unfolded through her mind, as if she was self-punishing herself. She recalled the mission where Pushpa Ji had a bomb strapped on her and how the entire team rushed to save their mother. She saw visions of SS, stabbed and lying on a hospital bed, the entire team trying to cheer and wake her up. Haseena saw everything, flashbacks, visions and voices amplifying the lurching sensation in her. What she felt mostly was the camaraderie, the trust, the friendship and the unity that forged them forward.

"Madam Sir...what happened? Are you okay?" SS asked.

Haseena joined her hands together unsure of what to do or say. She couldn't bear to meet everyone's eyes so she cast her eyes down to the ground.

"The last few months...what I put you through....that is unforgivable...I...I know that I cannot take anything back but please.....forgive me if you can" Haseena said, finally looked up at them and holding her ears. She was crying.

SS came forward and held her hands. "Madam Sir what are you even thinking. There's nothing to be sorry for. We understand what you did."

Haseena hugged her.