Going The Distance

Chapter Twenty One - Creep

Amber,

You can rely on me. I failed once, I won't fail again.

Jackson.

The note he had written me when I first moved here sat in my hands. Burning through to my veins, encapsulating my soul. He had stayed true to his word and then I had let him down. I had failed.

I grabbed a pencil and turned it over.

Jackson,

You can rely on me. I failed once, I won't fail again.

Amber.

I held on to the note tightly as I stood up and walked slowly back to the house. I stood in front of Jackson's bedroom and slid the note under the door. I didn't hear any movement, so I figured he was asleep. I walked back to my room and hoped with everything I had inside of me. I hoped that he'd forgive my idiotic mistake, I hoped he'd known he could trust me even though I had failed him. I lay on my bed, on top of the blankets. Jackson's song for me was stuck in my head, his lyrics surrounded me. It was enough to keep me awake almost all night, until pure exhaustion took over and finally I fell asleep.

It was daylight when I woke, I felt strangely rested, although I knew I could have only had a mere few hours' sleep. I climbed out of bed and walked downstairs. Jackson was eating a bowl of cereal, or at least attempting to. He looked up at me and dropped his spoon in to the bowl. Without a word he looked away, stood up and cleared his bowl off.

He left the kitchen, leaving me standing alone. My noted hadn't worked. Of course it hadn't it had been stupid. He left me down when he was barely a teenager, I was meant to almost be an adult and I had let him down.

I ran upstairs and grabbed some clean clothes. I stuff them in to a big and grabbed my wallet. Mom had given me emergency money. All that was left for me to do was grab some and runaway. I left the house without uttering a word. I withdrew enough from the credit card to pay for a place to stay and once I was there I contemplated what to do, where to go.

The last few years had been so messed up. I'd been broken most of the time, and being with Jackson had been the one time I felt normal. I'd messed it up. I was a mess up. I messed up by getting pregnant, I messed up by letting Alice go, I'd messed up being going to the party, I messed up by not telling my parents and I messed up by holding Daniel's secret. The worst part, the part the killed me was my inability to take any of it back.

I sat on the hotel bed and cried, I cried until I had no tears left and then I walked over to the bathroom and stood in the shower. I turned the water up and up and up until it almost burnt my skin. The room misted over and I began to feel lightheaded. I don't remember when it became too much, when the heat overwhelmed me, I just remember falling, and then everything going black.

I wasn't sure how long I was out for. But when I woke the water was off and I was covered in towels in the bottom of the shower. A hotel maid had one hand on my wrist and the other held a phone to her ears.

"She's awake." She exclaimed softly. "Yes, Alright." She looked down at me and soothed softly. "You've had a small accident, you need to stay still until the paramedics arrive."

"No. I'm alright." I replied as I attempted to move, but my head pounded, I felt weak and lightheaded again and for a moment I could see stars and black spots. Something warm ran down my face and I lifted my hand to touch. It was sticky, I brought my hands back down and gasped. I was bleeding.

What the fuck had I done?

Once the paramedics arrived everything moved quickly around me. They dressed me in a hospital gown before transferring me to a bed. I expected to hear them talk about the cut on my head, but the words depression escaped their mouths and suddenly an immobile cloud of pain rained down. I had just wanted to burn the pain away.