Who's Going to Love me?

I want you

"Ok, this is probably going to sound like I'm contradicting myself," I spoke. " But I'll say it anyways. We haven't got a chance to know one another on a personal level since you moved across the hall. The only thing I know about you is that you DJ, and  the only thing you know about me is that I work at the bank... I would like to know more about you, and I would like you to know more about me. So, I was thinking we could get to know each other better, outside of these 4 walls," I said, feeling relieved to finally get that off my chest, but I was anxious at the same time. 

"Like a date?" He asked skeptical.

"Um not necessarily, not less that's what you want to call it," I grinned, I was hoping he would agree, but he seemed hesitant.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" I asked anxiously. He looked at me with his big brown eyes, I could tell something was wrong.

"Look Janessa, you're beautiful, sexy, sexy as hell and from the looks of everything smart and independent," he paused.."But I gotta be real with you now,I'm not the guy you're searching for, so I'll be a man and stop calling and knocking on your door late at night. You deserve more than that."

I swallowed a gulp of my saliva. "Ok," was the only word that escaped out. Watching every single last one of those words pour from his mouth reminded me of why Iv'e been very closed off. Every time I have tried to give someone a piece of me, they find away to throw it away. 

"I appreciate you being honest," I said in a calm tone, even though my heart was beating through my chest.

"Yea...it's only right."

I nodded. "Yea it is...well I gotta get ready for bed, got work in the a.m" I said cutting the conversation short.

"Aight, I guess I'll head across the hall," he said getting up to put on his clothes, I nodded. 

I watched him get dress and all I could think about was how I wanted him badly, even after he rejected me. I wanted his body, but I also wanted his soul. I wanted to know him inside and out. I wanted to know what made him laugh, what made him mad, what made him cry, what made him strive. I guess I was starting to feel this way because there is something mysterious about him, he was like a case, one that I planed to solve.

 Once he had everything on, I walked him to the front. We stopped in front of the door.

"Well..." I said with my arms folded. "I don't know what to call this, its not really a goodbye."

"Nah..not at all, we still cool, you need anything just knock on my door, its literally a few inches away."

"Ok, well same here, I'm here if you need anything," he nodded.

"Well, I'm gone head out, let you get some rest," he said nodding his head in the direction of the door.

"Ok, Goodnight Larenz," I spoke softly.

"Goodnight Janessa," he smiled turning towards the door. He opened it and walked out. I locked the door and let out a sigh. My mind was made up, regardless of his self thoughts I had to make him mine.

Larenz POV

"Damn," I mumbled to myself as I walked in my apartment which was pitch black. I walked to my room and pounced down on the bed. I began to drift off into deep thought. To any other man Janessa would be a dream girl.  Everything about her is beautiful, even that attitude she posses. I know I don't know hardly anything about her as a person, but I can tell she's a good woman, the kind of woman you'd probably wife and have kids with. I must admit I kind of like her, I definitely felt a vibe between us , but I know I'm not the right dude for her; I'm known for breaking hearts. Besides I can't go into something with unresolved feelings from my past, I had to handle that first.