Spaces Between Us

Chapter three

But his hand on my breast.

Napahawak din ako sa parte ng dibdib kong hinawakan niya. I can still feel the heaviness of his hands above it. What more if–

No, Lucia. Get a hold of yourself.

Pumalit ako sa pwesto niya sa swing at pasalampak na umupo. My eyes darted on the bottles of beer that was on the floor. Sa inis ko ay sinipa ko ang isa dahilan para lumikha ng tunog.

Now that my secret was exposed by Julio. I wonder if what will happens next to me.

#

We're currently at Cleo's house. Dahil nga hindi kami natuloy kagabi, kaya bumawi ako sa kanila ngayon. After our class, dito agad kami dumiretso.

“Paano nga to? Wala talaga akong maintindihan grabe. Kung anong kinaganda ko ganon din ang kinabobo ko sa math”

“Buti naman alam mo”

“Shut up, Daniel”

The three of us are all lying on the floor of her room. May popcorn sa gitna habang nagsasagot kami sa assignment namin sa math.

I was trying to read the equation again with the ballpen at the side of my lips, but I can't focus. Something is distracting me, kaninang umaga pa to.

“You know how this fucking x was found, Lulu. Bakit ba kasi puro x ang nandyan, magagamit ba natin yan in the future?” kanina pa panay reklamo si Cleo habang nagsasagot din sa equation.

I read it again for the ninth time pero lumalabas lang sa utak ko ang mga nababasa ko. Ugh, wala distracted talaga ako. In my annoyance, I sit down while crossing both my legs and arms. Kumuha ako ng isang palad na popcorn at diretsong ipinasok sa bibig ko.

“What happened to you? You seem distracted, na bobo ka na din?” Cleo asked me, clueless.

I shrugged. “Nothing, something's distracting me kaya hindi ako maka focus”

“Care to share with us?” Dan beside me lay in one of my leg. I looked at them at mabilis na umiling.

Syempre ayokong sabihin sa kanila ang sekreto ko, baka kung ano pang isipin nila.

“Wala, wag niyo na lang ako pansinin.”

Hindi din naman sila nangulit kaya nagpatuloy kami sa pagsagot ng mga assignment namin. Nang mapagod ay nag-aya si Cleo na mag-movie marathon na lang and we all agreed.

We change positions, and now we're in her bed while watching a horror movie. Scream ang title, masyadong cringe para sa katulad kong hindi fan ng horror. Si Cleo lang ang maingay na akala mo siya ang direktor ng palabas.

“Bakit ba lahat ng bida sa mga horror mga tanga? They have the chance to run but they still looked back.” reklamo niya naman ulit, with her mouth full of popcorn.

“Walang thrill kapag walang tangang character na magpapahamak sa bida” sabat ni Dan.

Kumuha din ako ng popcorn ang kaso ay naubos na. Napatingin ako kay Dan, at dahil siya ang nag-iisang lalaki sa amin siya ang nautusan na magluto ulit sa kusina nina Cleo. Wala naman siyang choice.

The movie ended when he leave the room kaya naghanap ulit si Cleo ng pwedeng panoorin.

“Kanina ko pa napapansin na you're occupied. I'm just here if you need something, may problema ka ba?” she asked with a concern voice. Siguro napansin niya na wala ako sa mood kahit sumasabay naman ako sa sigawan nila.

Huminga ako ng malalim at tumihaya sa kama. My hands are intertwined above my stomach.

Napapaisip din ako kanina pa kung sasabihin ko ba sa kanya ang sekreto ko at ang encounter namin ni Julio. Sa dalawa, si Cleo ang mas makakaintindi agad sa akin dahil siya ang mas open minded. I can trust her more than Dan. Hindi ko sinabing hindi siya mapagkakatiwalaan, pero si Cleo ang taong hindi agad-agad nanghuhusga unlike him. Dan's more conservative.

“Please tell me first that you won't react negatively when I tell you”

She raised her hand to swear. “I promise.”

“You know, I have this little secret.” I started, still hesitating if I should tell her everything.

She didn't speak and waited for me to continue.

“And this is about Julio. . .” nahihiyang sabi ko.

She snapped like she get the right answer. “Sabi ko na, e. Go, continue”

Umupo ako para makapag-usap kami ng maayos. “I have this unhealthy obsession of getting things from his room. I. . I collected it and keep it inside my cabinet. .”

Saying it, I started to feel embarrassed. Sana wala lang siyang negative reaction.

“And the what's the problem? Julio's has a lot of fans, kaya malamang hindi lang ikaw ang gumagawa nyan”

“The problem is, he knew it. At hindi lang yon basta-basta ko lang tinatago. Sometimes, I. . . ” parang ayaw kong ituloy anh part na yon. Nang balingan ko si Cleo ay naghihintay pa din siya sa susunod kong sasabihin.

“I do nasty things while looking at his picture. Like, I imagine him doing those things while I pleasure myself” dire-diretsong sabi ko.

I pursed my lips as I waited for her reaction. She just arched her brows.

“That’s completely normal, I guess. I mean, I do that sometimes. So why bother?”

“Malaking problema dahil nasa iisang bahay lang kami, and he confronted me yesterday. He said some things and even touched my boobs” pagsumbong ko kay Cleo, recalling what happened in the their garden.

Her eyes widened. “Really? And what's your reaction?”

Mahina akong umiling. “W-wala. . Nabigla ako kaya hindi ako naka-react agad.”

“Nabigla o you like it also?”

I frowned. “Cleo. . .”

She raised her both hands and sit beside me. “What are you gonna do now that he discovered your secret?”

I sighed hopelessly. Iyon din ang tanong ko sa sarili ko. Its impossible for me to avoid him since we almost see each other everyday, at ako pa ang taga-linis ng banyo niya.

“Iiwasan ko na lang” I said, thinking that it is the easiest way.

“But remember your boundaries, okay? We know Julio and his kind. Ayokong pati ikaw umiyak sa huli pagkatapos ka niyang gamitin” she hold my hand in concern.

Malungkot akong ngumiti. Alam ko naman yon, but I can't assure myself if I can hold back. Sinungaling ang puso ko. Kahit sabihin ko wag, ay iba ang gagawin niya. Pero sana, wag ako umabot sa ganon.