The Selection (Troyler AU)

♔Part XLI♔

Also I neglected to mention the last three chapters or so, but I've entered both this story and my one-shot, Who Knew, in the Wattys. I don't really know how they work, or the categories or any of that, but it said it accepted works-in-progress, so I figured why not.

Also I'm garbage for Window Pain by Xenia. Also Pray by Bebe Rexha.

Also this chapter's going to be a little shorter than usual, but I suppose that'll make up for the monster of a chapter that I posted a couple of days ago (which, incidentally, is the second longest chapter in this book, just behind chapter 33 :)) and I also wanted to have something up before I finally start working on my summer project (which I've only done one part of whoops) and I couldn't fit all of this into one chapter without making it v long so yano deal with it.

Tyler POV

Breathless and dazed, I finally pulled away from the kiss, inciting a soft noise as I gripped him tighter around his middle in my refusal to let him go just yet.

Blinking as if he'd just woken up, he dropped his hands to my shoulders mutely, opening his mouth uncomprehendingly before shutting it, evidently unable to say a word. I couldn't blame him - I was having trouble processing everything myself. I was incapable of forming a single coherent thought, other than the tantalizing feeling of lips on lips, already fading into a phantom of a memory that I knew would stick around to haunt me.

I still wasn't sure how this had come to pass. One moment, we were dancing, and then the next, we were tangled up in each other's arms, both of us sharing our first kiss. I'd had no intention of things ending this way, having brought us across the border between platonic and intimate; and now that we'd crossed that bridge, I wasn't sure if it was sturdy enough attempt to going back to where we once were again.

And then there were the murky waters we stood knee-deep in. All of the unspoken, unclear things between us, that I was fucking terrified of bringing to the surface. How I really felt about Troye, how he felt about me, the fact that he liked boys - and that was really only scratching the surface.

And then there was the hell we'd pay, if anyone were to ever find out about this.

But the truly horrible thing was that, as uncertain as I was about everything else, it was irrefutable how I felt about Troye.

It seemed idiotic of me to try and deny it at this point, especially considering how entranced I was just by looking at him earlier, let alone kissing him. Even if he was just my friend - even if that was all he ever was to me - I cared about him far more than that, transcending the way I felt about anyone else, potential romantic interests included.

"That was, ah," Troye mumbled finally, his mouth still opening and closing like a fish.

"Yeah," I breathed in response, knowing it would've been impossible to try mustering a more intelligible answer; there was just far too many thoughts running through my head to fathom. "I know."

"Should we. . .talk about this?" he asked quietly, hesitance laced in his voice.

"Later," I told him, meaning it. Of course, I wanted to discuss this, but I still had too much shit to figure out. I needed to organize my thoughts before I could even attempt talking through something as important to me as this. "I don't think I'm ready now."

To my surprise, he gave a light laugh at that, the corners of his lips rising sheepishly. "Yeah, me either."

I let out a sigh of relief, grateful that he was so understanding. I honestly don't know what I would've done, if he'd insisted he talked about this now, and I couldn't even so much as discern one thought from another.