Play Time

{ Navy }

The stars shine their brightest when your mind seems to be empty. You can focus on the tiny flutter that's billions of miles away. Just like any hope I'd had at love.

For some reason, my thoughts are heavy tonight while I lay stretched along my bed. It's not that I don't have room physically, it is a king after all. My mind just doesn't seem to have a sufficient amount of space enclosed in my thick skull. Is it crazy I think about burr holes to release the pressure? Just one quick puncture with a drill to get it over and done with. I know that's not possible because our brains stop us from inflicting pain on ourselves. Well some can. But I'm not strong nor do I have the will power to actually harm myself no matter how many times I wish I could do it.

I wish I could turn my brain off. The breakup with Kayson has destroyed me in ways I don't believe can be repaired. It's been 11 months now. One day we're amazing, the next day..not so much. He decided one random moment that he wanted another girl. So he did what he wanted. First it was a soft kiss. Then a full make out session. Next thing I know, a girl is giving him head right before he sticks his dick in her infront of everyone. So I left. Went home, packed all my things and never looked back.

I guess he believed I'd be there when he returned home that night because when I powered up my phone the next morning, a slew of messages and missed calls came in. All from him.

"Where are you?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Please come home baby. Let me make it right"

Then after a few more pleading messages. An image came through of her sitting beside him.

"He's napping now doll face. He really doesn't want you back here"

As I force myself out of my upsetting thoughts, I look up at the projected clock light that shines ever so brightly on my ceiling. 7:34 PM.

I should get out of my head and get inside a bar.

"Girl. Get up, it's Friday night. Let's have some fun!"
As if she can read my mind, Makayla runs and jumps her happy go lucky ass on top of me. Flailing all about for a minute before she hops off me to let me catch my breath. "I literally was just thinking that" I laughed at the crazy ginger. Makayla was beautiful. Ginger hair that had a small wave and flowed so gently down reaching her mid back.

Honestly if I was a guy, I'd snatch her up quickly. She is so bright and sparkly with her aura. It radiates to everyone around her and instantly brings smiles followed by laughter. I've known her for almost 2 years now. We met at a hockey game and have been inseparable since. Oddly enough, Kayson wanted to go to that game. Hockey was his favorite sport.

I have always wished I could be as beautiful as her but it's impossible. I don't have the shining aura. Or the flowing hair. I just have hair. Unfortunately enough, I'm just me. Nothing special.

Snap. Snap. "Hello? Earth to Navy."

I jolt back as Makayla is looking at me so intensely trying to figure out what I'm thinking about. "Sorry. What were you saying?" I asked sheepishly looking down. Not wanting her to ask questions. Her gaze fell on my hands that I didn't even realize had became a tick for me. Anytime I'm anxious, I scratch at the pads of my fingers.

"I was telling you to get ready because we're going out. I know you want to talk about it, but know that I'm here for you. Always Navigator." She smiled, embracing me.

Navigator. She hasn't called me in a few months. She decided that nickname for me because apparently I always find a way to manage everything that comes my way.

A bar isn't really my scene but what the hell could it hurt currently. Heading towards my closet, I see my favorite dress. A vibrant red, body-con halter dress. Kayson hated me wearing this dress out because it was known for drawing attention. I grabbed the hanger and slowly spin around to see Mak smiling wildly while nodding her head. All the assurance I needed.