Don't Get Your Hopes Up, Annie.

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            I didn’t realize how badly I was shaking until Katniss came forward and took my arm. “Come on, let’s get you showered.” She said softly, pushing some of my hair off of my damp, sweating forehead. What did this mean? It certainly didn’t mean that he was coming back, but I could only hope… If we had the capability to make an arena with rabid half-breed dogs, floods, changing landscape, and of course, make the capitol itself – we could bring him back. Couldn’t we?

            But that was the good thoughts. The bad thoughts, of how mauled his body would be struck me, sending me quickly towards the bathroom. A shower would clear my thoughts, or at least untangle the knots that made up my spine. Making my way into the room, Katniss used her nimble fingers to undo the strings of my nightgown, and it billowed at my ankles, dropping to the floor.

            The dripping of the faucet starting was frustrating, a small tapping against the floor as Haymitch closed the door in a slam – leaving the room in a disappointed huff. I hugged my arms to my stomach, before ambling into the water. Katniss was quiet, looking at my plump belly with frustration and hesitation. “I’m sorry, Haymitch had been so bored lately with the lack of alcohol… he just wanted a show.” She said, squeezing a small dime-sized amount of soap in her hand.

            Her fingers worked at washing out the dust and dirt in my hair, every month the citizens were all rewarded with a small shampoo bottle, the container similar to the baby food they supplied for the nursery. Small, round plastic tubs of thick liquid. Dip a finger in, and it stuck like wax. “I-It’s fine. Just a body, right?”

            But it wasn’t just a body, it was Finnick’s body. The boy I loved to death do us part, and yet – even now that death was in our way… I was still loving him with all I had. “It’s okay to not be okay, Annie.” Katniss said softly, as she began to scrub into my deep brown locks of hair. Lately, there hadn’t been anyone willing to braid them. Even the little girls nearby, were frightened by the scary old lady next door. How old, did I look, now?

            All the stress and crying hadn’t contributed well to my features. There had to be heavy wrinkles on my face. “Katniss,” I hesitated, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer. Katniss was always brutally honest with me, and it was something I respected. Of course, in return, I never asked her things she didn’t want to answer. “Am I pretty?” Without a second to loose, Katniss turned off the water.

            “You’re gorgeous, Annie.” She said, directing my shoulders to the tiny glass mirror. We stared into it together, one sopping wet face and the other dry, but hard. She knew I wouldn’t believe her, but why should I? It was only Finnick, I could believe. Trust, with all my heart. He’d said he would return… He said he’d come back for me.

            There wasn’t much I could do, and there wasn’t much Finnick could stand, either. He liked to take care of me, but when it came to dates – he had more fun running around and sneaking kisses. I’d never truly been on a date I could remember, just a few times hanging out with the boys in our district, sun soaking up our bodies. So when he’d asked me out, I wasn’t quite prepared for what as to come.

            He didn’t stand me up. Part of me, the smart part – was nearly certain that he would never come. But ten minutes late, there he was. Panting, sweaty-faced at the door, clutching pale yellow flowers. “Annie!” He said elatedly, as if I would wonder off without him. When was the last time I’d moved? Didn’t he realize? I was nearly immobile.

            Swallowing, he ambled over and presented me with the flowers. The way he got on one knee, made me laugh silently. “What?” Finnick had said bashfully, eyes wide and hopefully. My laughing at him had put a slight dimmer on his cockiness. Oh, Finnick Odair. I wasn’t some little girl that would fall for every move in your book. He was so oblivious.

            “I have an entire afternoon planned, if you’re up for it.” Finnick said shyly, and I leaned up in my bed. He held out his hand towards me, but I was determined to come across as strong. If he thought it would be easy to get me to fall into his traps of love; he was delusional. But I had to portray a strong girl.

            Softly, I pushed away the blankets, and set my feet on the floorboards. Standing very slowly, knees shaking rapidly. “Annie! You can walk!” Finnick exclaimed, and I giggled again. What did he think was under that blanket? Nothing? I did have normal girl body parts. “Shall we?” Finnick asked, letting his arm towards me. I swallowed, slipping my hands around his arm and holding tight.

            It was hard to deny we both didn’t feel the sparks.

            “Do you want to see it?” Katniss said softly, and judging by my open face – she quickly took back her words, setting a hand on my upper arm. “It’s okay if you don’t, don’t feel rushed –“ She began, but I managed to swallow and regain some of my confidence I had stashed away, somewhere deep inside of my empty body.

            Croaking out a yes, Katniss nodded. “Alright, but be warned.” It hadn’t occurred to me, that perhaps she had seen his body already. But Katniss and Finnick were dear friends, always tying those knots together. They both were in the arena once together, and their alliance had made them fond of one another.

            “Warned? Is it gory?” I said slowly, trying to prepare myself with a mental image. All that came to mind was a goofy-looking Finnick, with something like red paint on his jaw.

            “Not exactly, see the Capitol had hold of him – they were trying to bring him back to life for military reasons…” Katniss said slowly, testing the waters that were my emotions. It seemed like I was an ocean, and she could never be too careful to dive in too deep, or risk being washed out into the blue abyss. We walked out of my small cubicle I referred to as home, after I’d shrugged into the maternity clothes I’d been granted. A spaghetti strap dress, pale white. Still restricting from wearing shoes, because the only pair I had were from the wedding.

            “Back to life? Is it possible?” It was hard to cover the hopefulness in my voice, and a weary-eyed Katniss looked back at me. She was exhausted, obviously dealing with the loss of her friend.

            She took my hand, a few people glancing up from their positions in the hallways, chatting with friends. It was clear that regardless of it just being morning, word had spread that Finnick’s body was captured. Each step we took drew us closer to the elevator shaft; that would bring us down towards the hospital. I could only assume that was where Peeta was waiting, there was no way Katniss could stand strong without having her own rock there.

            My rock, would be there – just not in the way I’d hope. “We don’t have the technology here, but I’m fairly certain…” Katniss trailed off. If the Capitol had the capability to bring back to life citizens, the possibilities were endless. I didn’t want to bring up Prim, and risk getting hopes too high.

            “The Capitol had already started working on getting Finnick’s heart beating, he’s in much better condition then the other deceased. My mother is nearly certain if we can find a way to keep it beating –“ She cleared her throat, glancing towards the ceiling, pressing the elevator button. The rickety metal contraption began to come down slowly, taking its time.

            “We can somehow bring him, back?” I asked slowly, feeling tears threatening to fall. Katniss just shook her head, mumbling under her breath. I recalled her words from before, in the bathroom. It’s okay, to not be okay.

            “Just remember – you’ve been doing so well without Finnick. Maybe… you don’t really need him.”

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⏰ Last updated: Apr 07, 2013 ⏰

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