Learning To Love - Jamie Campbell Bower

"I Love You"

I hope the chapter title has made you excited :D

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It's our third and final day in London, before Jamie and I fly home the following morning. It's evening, and Jamie and I are chilling together on the couch, the TV buzzing with sound but neither of us really paying attention to it - more so to each other. Which was weird, because we weren't actually saying anything to each other, but we were just both aware of where each other's attention lay.

The mention of Erica I'd overheard last night was on my mind. The curiosity of it eating away at me at me all day. I knew it wouldn't go away unless I said something, so I decided to to take my chance.

"Jamie?"

"Mmm?" came a voice from behind me. He was holding me so close I could feel the sound vibrating in his chest as he said it.

3..2..1...go. "Who's Erica?"

I felt Jamie's body stiffen from behind me.

I hesitate. "I heard your mother and you arguing...I didn't mean to over-"

Jamie interrupted me by shifting so he was sitting up, so I sat up too, shifting so I was next to him.
He  took my hand, face serious. "No, it's fine, I don't really care..." He paused, taking a breath. "I came to Perth to get away from London, you know that, right?"

I nod.

"Erica....was a part of London, in my mind..." Jamie stopped.

I was confused, I think my face said it too.

"She was my girlfriend," Jamie clarified. "We were going out..." Jamie shook his head. "The thing was, she loved me, and I loved her, but not the same way. She wanted to kiss me, I didn't. She said I was an amazing boyfriend and I would tell her she was an amazing girlfriend, but I was lying. Not in a 'she's a batshit crazy girlfriend nobody could love' kind of way, but she felt only like a friend to me."

I squeeze Jamie's hand. "What happened?"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "She was just so nice, you know? And I didn't know how to tell her that we were on different wavelengths, how to tell her that I didn't love her the way she loved me." Jamie swallowed, eyes sad. "I didn't know how to break up with her."

I nod, indicating for Jamie to continue. Inside me, my mind was reeling,

"So I left for Australia without even telling her," Jamie put simply. "Just like that. It was the worst thing I've ever done and I'll never forgive myself for my cowardice."

As Jamie spoke, I drew little patterns on his hand with my fingers. "D-did you ever break up with her?" I don't look up at him as I say it. I feel Jamie's other hand tilt my chin up, bringing my eyes to his.

"Yes, I did."

Inside me, I felt a wave of relief.

"I called her a week into staying in Queensland - this was before I decided Queensland was no good and I moved to Perth - It was the least I could do, and I explained everything, and it was over, and it sucked."

As I looked into Jamie's eyes, all I saw was nostalgia and sadness, a kind of haunted expression on his face.

"My mother despised me for leaving her as I did. But after that, the final piece of London I'd been dragging with me was gone, and three weeks later I moved to Perth."

His hand started stroking my hair. "And four weeks later I met you outside our apartment block in my undies." He smiled at the memory, and I felt myself smile too.