YET ANOTHER CINDERELLA STORY
The Protagonist who does Chad Michael Murray – Meghan
Chad Michael Murray – as his handsome self
Best Friend – Matthey Gray Gubler
Evil Stepmother – Your Mom
Twin #1 – Thing 1
Twin #2 – Thing 2
Mean Girlfriend – Maddy
Creepy Teacher – Chinless Girl
Fierce Black Chick – Donald Glover
Matrix Guy – As himself
ONCE UPON A TIME IN A FAR AWAY LAND THAT WASN’T FAR AWAY BECAUSE HILARY DUFF SAID SO, THERE LIVED A BEEAAAUUUTIIIFFULLL PRINCESS WHO WASN’T A PRINCESS CUZ SHE WAS HILARY DUFF WHO WAS ACTUALLY MEGHAN.
You see, this princess had a thing for this hot guy named Chad Michael Murray, because, I mean, c’mon, have you seen him?! Do you have eyes? Lordie that boy has got a body.
Ahem. His body is actually a cage. But that’s not the point.
Nicolas Cage’s body is a caaaaage that keeps him from dancing with the one he loves, but his mind holds the key. Nicolas Cage is standing on a staaaaage….
Suddenly, Matrix guy was standing in NOT-HILARY-DUFF-WHO-IS-ACTUALLY-MEGHAN’s attic.
“POP POP. DO WHATCHU WANNA DOOO” he shouted from the top of lung.
“ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU JUST BELIIEEVVEEE!!!” Her best frand cried. “WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEANNN?!!??!” Then Hilar-Meghan’s computer PING-ed. OH EM GEE IT WAS THE DELICIOUS CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY! You see, they were secret lovers, but they had no idea who each other was! Well, Meghan Duff knew who Chad was, who doesn’t? That man is a fine piece of man meat. But Hilghan’s sisters and Chad didn’t know who Hilary was for some reason.
Megily’s evil step momma walked in, but the Fierce Black Chick ripped her errins off and yelled, “OH HELL NAH. YOU GET OUTTA HERE OR I QUIT YO ESTABLISHMENT. I FOUGHT IN HIGH SCHOOL SO YOU BETTER WATCH IT!”
“BUT I NEED TO HAVE A GREEN LAWN LIKE JLO DOES! SHE’S IT ON DA FLOOR!” The Stepmother yelled. “TRY MY COOKIES. THEY’RE MOIST!”
“You know what else is moist?” Creeper Teacher mumbled, appearing literally from out of nowhere. Handsome Chad also just randomly walked in too, but no one minded. He provided everyone with a mean piece of eye candy. Oh Chad, how hard I would bang you if you were here…
Speaking of things I’d like to bang, my drum set is sitting in the corner. Wait, who am I? Isn’t this story in the third-person?
Oh well.
“Creeper love is deeper love…” Creeper teacher mumbled, and Chad Michael Murray approached Meg-Hil.
“This is awkward…” he said, but then suddenly it started raining and apparently that has some sort of significance so Meghil and Chad started making out.
Darren Criss.
Yeah.
“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!” Mean Girlfriend scoffed. She strutted in wearing her Sexy Heels, but she tripped. It was quite graceful, actually.
Chad was angry that his special moment with HilMeg was ruined, so he got all manly. “FOOTBALL. MONSTER TRUCKS. TESTOSTERONE. VIDEO GAMES. WOMEN.”
Everyone squealed, cuz Manly Chad was hella sexy. But MegHil’s dad was pwoud of her. But not as pwoud as Great Uncle JJ. But he was close.
Except her dad was dead. She has a dead father.
At a loss for words, everyone pulled out their paintball guns and prepared for battle. There was an epic war. Lives were lost. Allies were made. MegHil and Chad fucked around in the closet. Mean Girlfriend was mean and wore some slutty outfit but she was dressed as an angel so it was contradictory. A random band came out from out of nowhere and started playing music.
“ISN’T THIS ROMANTIC?? DO ME!” Slutty Mean Girlfriend screamed at Meghil’s awkward best friend. He scoffed and turned around.
“I don’t…believe you” he said, putting on cool-guy sunglasses. YEAHHHHHHHHHH.
Then Matrix guy went to some cwazy planet and no one ever saw him again. Which was sad, because he was oddly loveable.
The twin sisters did weird dances, which ended up killing the stepmother. They almost hurt the Fierce Black chick, but she can’t get hurt cuz she’s ghetto and invincible. So they died too. PLOT TWIST. MERYL STREEP IS THE DEVIL AND SHE WEARS PRADA OH SHNAP THAT’S SO RAVEN.
So Meghil and Chad didn’t make it to Princeton, but they kissed in the rain a lot. Mean Girl friend died of a broken ankle and Best Friend became a business tycoon. And what happened to creepy teacher? Well that’s up to your imagination, isn’t it? Who knows? Maybe she’s hiding in your closet right now…………
We’re no strangers to love.
You know the rules, and so do I.
NEVAH GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVAH GONNA LET YOU DOOOOWN.
Yeah, this story was just needin’ a lil bit of Rick Astley. DO NOT BE ALARMED.
SEMITONE SEMITONE AGAIN, DON’T GET ALAAAAARMED.
…
Check your closet.
Now.
It’s okay, I’ll wait.
Is she there? Did you find her?
…Did she touch you?
NEVAH GONNA GIVE YOU UP.
PERFECT.
