Scouts Honor

Chapter 13

Unfortunately, we can't always have what we want.

Bolton shook his head slightly, seeming to finally resign to his inner demons. He sat me on my feet in front of him with a pained sigh, but made no move to leave me. I tilted my head questioningly and looked deep into his eyes.

He turned his head slightly to look over my shoulder. "Don't look at me like that."

I was confused. "Like what?"

He looked back into my eyes. He breathlessly whispered, "Don't look at me like you want me as much as I want you." He could see the questions in my eyes, so he continued. "When you look at me like that, I feel like I should do something about it, even though I know I shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't you do anything?"

"Because." He wouldn't look into my eyes. He was waging a battle in his mind again, one that I was hoping would end in favor of his heart rather than his head.

"Because why?" He gave another pained sigh and suddenly found something over my shoulder to be quite interesting. I began to wage a battle in my own head. Should I just give up and go home, or should I stay and find out what could happen here?

Bolton may not have been able to let his heart take over, but I was ready to let mine lead the way. I took his face between my hands and turned his head so that he was looking me directly in the eyes. "Tell me why you think you shouldn't do anything."

It was easy to see that he didn't want to answer, but he couldn't hide the truth when he was looking at me that way. Even if he didn't say it directly, I would know exactly what he wanted to say. He rested one hand lightly on my cheek and said, "Because, if I do something now and you change your mind about me later, I'll only be hurting myself."

"What makes you think I'll change my mind?"

"You've always only had eyes for Jesse. You may think I never noticed, but I saw the way you used to look at him. You loved him, and I'd bet good money that you'll love him again."

"That's ridiculous Bolton. I don't want him anymore."

"If it's not him, it'll be someone else. You don't realize how incredible you are, Baylee. Once the guys at school finally realize that you and Jesse are truly over, they'll all be after you. I could never stand a chance against them." He was trying to tear himself away from my gaze, but my hands kept him firmly in place. I may never have an opportunity like this again, so I decided to take a risk and say what was actually on my mind for the first time all evening.

"I may not realize how incredible I am, but you don't realize how incredible you are." He gave a slight laugh, like it was a crazy idea. "I'm serious, Bolton. You're not like anyone else I've ever met. You're the most amazing person I know. Lately, I've found myself wondering what could've happened if I'd met you first. Now, I think I know what could've happened."

I finally let him go, and he shook his head slightly. There was something that he actually wanted to say, but he opted for something else. "You have no idea how long I've hoped that you'd say something like that. It's killing me to hear you now because I know that you don't mean any of it. You're vulnerable right now. You and Jesse were together for a year. You loved each other, and feelings like that don't just go away over night. Whether you want to admit it or not, we both know you still love him. It may not be as much as you used to, but the feelings are still there."

I understood what he was saying. I also understood that none of it was true. I had thought I loved Jesse, but we had never even come close to love. I realized that now, but there was no way for me to explain my discovery to Bolton. He wouldn't believe me. Not now, and maybe not ever. That feeling terrified me.

So, instead of pushing the issue, I opted for asking him to walk me home. Our heads had won this battle, but I hoped that our hearts would win the war.