The Selection (Troyler AU)

♔Part XL♔

I peered over at him, only to see that he was still staring resolutely ahead of him, as if hardly even perceiving my presence. For a moment, I seized the opportunity to observe him openly, taking advantage of one of the few situations where I could be so close to him and drink him in so completely, without questions arising. I let my eyes flit over him, consuming the smallest details: the way his chest rose with each breath; the way he clutched his hands loosely in his lap; the way his glasses were pressed close to his face, having been pushed back up recently; the way his blond lashes - usually invisible - reflected the light thrown off of the lit lanterns strewn across the courtyard, and was amazed to realize that while I could very easily see these traits in other people, I'd still associate them with Tyler.

It was strange, of course - Tyler certainly wasn't the first person to possess such attributes - but I suppose that because he's the first person with these characteristics that I really took notice of, he'd be the first one I thought of when confronted with the same features on someone else.

Without looking at me, Tyler spoke, breaking the silence. "Enjoying your first dance so far?" he intoned, raising his eyebrows, as if genuinely curious.

I shrugged indifferently. The dance hasn't started long ago, and between Grace's entrance stealing the show and worrying about Tyler's encounter with his father, I hadn't had much time to ponder how it felt to be at my first ball. "It's been interesting."

He chuckled under his breath. "That's an understatement." Then, sobering up,"No but really, have you had at least one moment that made you happy you came tonight?"

I pressed my lips together, considering. If I thought about it, there were plenty of moments that I was glad to experience. There was the sampling of my own desserts (of which is never has the chance to properly taste before). There was the King's appalled countenance when Queen Grace had arrived, his face coloring almost as purple as her dress. There was when Tyler'd first realized I was there, looking at me with an unidentifiable expression that, for the first time in a long, long time, had made me feel good about being noticed.

It was funny, in a way, that I'd appreciated the details more than the big picture. But then again, it was also fitting, if I thought about it. After all, everything and everyone I've grown to care about started because I'd began seeing the smaller details, rather than the overall mannerisms that they'd portrayed.

Look at Tyler, for instance. I used to hate the guy, hoping against hope that I'd never have to encounter him, much less be in close proximity with him on more than one occasion. I used to believe that he was just a carbon copy of his father, destined to carry on the King's legacy, only to inspire nothing but hatred of the innocent and respect out of fear. I used to think he was barely even human, as if he'd long ago ripped his heart out, burying it six feet underground.

That's what he tried to make people see. And for the most part, it worked.

But the Tyler I saw, the Tyler that I grew to care about for more than I'd like to admit, was a man that I'd only discovered after witnessing the smallest of incidents: the first of which being when he picked that purple rose, bearing it for anyone to see in the lapel of his jacket.

"Yeah," I said finally. "I have."

He smiled, tilting his head to look over at me for the first time. "Good."

I returned the gesture with s curve of my lips, but it soon faded, as I remembered what I'd come out here to ask in the first place. "Are you sure you're okay?" I asked cautiously, referring to the incident with his father.

He didn't answer right away. It was just as well, I guess, seeing as I wouldn't have believed him had he nodded right away.

He looked away, wrapping himself in his own arms; I couldn't help but wish that it was my arms around him, holding him up and supporting him myself, instead of letting him shoulder his burdens alone. "Yeah." He paused, then added, "I mean, I will be, at least."