Lucid June

Chapter Five - What Else, He Can Build A House From Scratch?

"I can feel your smile, Margaret." She states without meeting my gaze. I snort into my tea, drops of it flicking up onto my forehead. "These darn kids." 

"You literally willingly volunteered to do this. For the third time. This is completely your fault," says Ella as she pours her own coffee. "We have this conversation every Summer, and yet you're still a counsellor. 

"The morning hours should be changed." Josie responds, then chugs the rest of her coffee. "I feel more alive now, time to get dressed." She announces, then disappears back down the hallway.

I meet Ella's glance, both of us sharing a laugh. "She's crazy." 

'An exotic animal.' I reply. 

***

Hiking is an activity I'm fond of. Nature around here is stunning, wound with the perfect trails to admire the expanding firs, the rich smell of the fresh lake mixed with that scent of the trees, also providing kind shade amongst the hot sun. 

It'd almost be perfect if it weren't for the kids continuously trying to vanish with Slender-man into the forest, along with the flies disturbing my face and making me worry that I might stink even though I know I don't.

I sprayed on much deodorant and perfume to ensure I did not smell bad. It's quite literally something I'm terrified of happening in my life - a small thing, sure, but oh god, I'd be mortified if someone said I didn't smell good. 

"Can I cliff dive off here?" One of the kids asks me. 

I stare at him incredulously, before violently shaking my head. 'No.' I sign with a stern, but horribly worried glance. 

"Aw, but why?" He pouts. 

"Yeah, why?" Another chimes in. "It isn't that high up." 

"Not high up?" Derek repeats, amused. "How high do you think that cliff is, dude?"

The two boys shrug, before one guesses, "20 feet!"

Derek scoffs. "Close, but it's about a 1000 feet." 

Their faces fall. "Never-mind!" They exclaim, then scatter off with some of the other kids. 

"They're insane. I'd hate to think what they'd get up to without supervision around here." Says Derek, and I'm listening to him, but his bicep is brushing my shoulder and his skin is sucking every thought-cell in my brain. 

'Yeah.' I sign with an awkward laugh. 

He keeps to step with me as we walk behind our group of assigned kids today, his usually long strides shortened. There's this inkling that has birthed inside me over the past few days, from the glances, to the winks, to the sly smiles, and encouragement of my friends. 

Is Derek interested in me? And why does that send a shrill mix of excitement and panic?

I've never had a crush like me back before. I've never had a good response to people finding out who my crushes are. In the fourth grade two girls in my year found out I had a crush on this boy in our class, they told everyone while spreading the rumour that I had a secret shrine of him. 

Not only did everyone make fun of me, tease me, and put me in the centre of relentless embarrassment for the entire year, but my crush switched classes because he said I was 'weird' and 'creepy'. 

I despised my old school before I moved to my one now. From grade school to middle, those years were horrendous for me and dug in scars that'll never heal. Parts of my personality were carved from the hands of their pointing, parts of me that'll never grow to who they were supposed to be.