Regret

39-42

39

Second semester started. Chase didn't have any classes with me, but he did have lunch with me still. So did his best friend Nate.

Nate was also in my math class and writing class. So I had lunch with him, along with six and seventh hour.

But I really didn't find out who Nate was until a month later, in February.

Lucky me!

Not.

40

The middle of January, we had 'Senior Scholarship Night' where we sat in the performance arts center attached to the school and listened about scholarship opportunities and financial aid for two long hours.

I drove myself there, but sat with Luna and her dad.

Chase drove himself and sat a few rows behind us.

When it was over, we left and he immediately talked to this blond lady who looked like his mom or aunt or someone all the way until I got to my car.

He was very sneaky.

It wasn't his mom.

***

41

He confused me sometimes. Okay, most of the time. He stared at me in the halls and during lunch, but yet, he avoided me after the meeting.

I wished he would just make up his mind.

He was hurting me more by the way he was acting around me.

42

That night, I texted Luna again.

We always talked to each other, even when I had the weirdest dreams, she'd be the first to hear it.

"I personally feel the need to apologize and try to make things less awkward. He was looking at me before, and now he's just back to avoiding me. I don't know what to do and it's killing me. It's not like he has to like me back or anything, but now I see him everywhere and it's not okay cause I can't even look at him without it looking like I'm staring, but by looking away, it looks like I am totally avoiding him and I just want it to all go away! The awkwardness to be gone and for it all to be okay!. Take away this pain, in my heart, today." I wrote, then added, "I think I just wrote a song, or a rap."

"A rap" she wrote back.

"But I'm serious. I just need to get him alone for 5 minutes, but it seems like he always has bodyguard or that it will just look like I want to bug him" I wrote.

Then I logged off.