NMS was harsh on him today. He and I "the only reasons TT exists"? Wrong. The band would be fine without him. He would be fine without us.
I wouldn't be fine without him.
He arrived drunk to rehearsals today. (7.30am)
He was jealous.
I saw him with a woman.
He's straight.
????
6am he said "are you finding it hard to resist me?"
I was.
Gary dragged a tired hand under the front cover of the journal and stroked it shut with a sigh. For the past months, all he'd been able to write about was Rob. No lyrics formed in this journal as they once did, only simple sentences formed by a scrambled mind. He was ashamed and confused that he could no longer construct a complex sentence when talking about Rob.
He lay alone on his bed, clutching his brown journal to his chest and looking aimlessly at the white ceiling above. Various images of Rob floated through his mind. Clothed, singing. Undressed, kissing.
He knew he was obviously attracted to Rob. But on what level? A phase? Was he lonely?
Rob was never sweet. He was rarely funny. The only thing they had in common was Take That, and they were forced together.
He reopened the journal.
Why do I imagine myself touching him?
Why do I crave his lips?
Why does he tease me, flirt with me?
It works. Does he know?
There was a quiet knock and Gary jumped up, throwing his journal into his bag and zipping it in.
"Gaz? Let me in, quick before I get seen!"
Gary opened the door cautiously but Rob bounded through, barging Gary out of the way and closing the door in a rush. Gary fell back, but Rob turned on his heel to grab his arm and hold him steady.
"Sorry." He blushed innocently.
"What's up? It's past two o'clock in the morning."
"Like you weren't already awake writing in that school girl diary." Rob rolled his eyes, grinning at the young man before him.
Gary scoffed, walking off and letting Rob wander around his hotel room unsupervised.
"Look, I came to talk to you. Will you get back here?"
"Have you stopped insulting me?" Gary remarked, returning to the room with a glass of water.
"I wasn't insulting you. I happen to like school girls." A filthy smirked plastered across his face, Rob fell to the couch with a laugh. "I'm joking, you're so sensitive. Come over here."
"No. What do you want?" Gary left his back turned to Rob, moving his bag into a safer place just in case Rob decided to search for his school girl diary.
"Will you look at me?" Rob raised his voice, the flirtatious tone completely gone and replaced immediately with a harsh rasp.
"For fucks sake. I'm busy and tired. Get on with it."
Gary continued to rustle around beside his bed, moving objects and tidying everything away, folding back his bed sheets to make a space for him, before moving empty glasses to the small kitchen space, all the while keeping his back to Rob.
This infuriated the teenager. He gritted his teeth, following Gary's steps around the few rooms and trying his hardest to block his path to regain his attention.
"Will you fucking listen to me?" He launched himself at Gary, gripping onto his elbow and spinning him round to face him. The momentum caused Gary to fall into Rob's chest, he held a hand onto his torso and electricity pounded through his body. "Did you tell Nigel that he should let me go?"
The air went cold. Gary's hand fell slowly down Rob's toned body and his jaw fell. "What?"
Rob stepped back and turned away, immediately heading for the door.
"Rob, wait! I never said that!" This time Gary was the one to pull Rob backwards. "Why would I say that?"
"Because you think I'm shit? Because you don't like me? Or because I'm just annoying and you don't like me being around?" Tears formed in the corner of Rob's eyes, neither of them seemingly aware that they were now holding hands ever so gently.
"Rob." Gary shook his head. "You are the most talented person I have ever met. And I do like you. I like you a lot, actually."
Now, they were aware of their hands. Rob dropped his eyes to look at their fingers intertwining with the gentlest of touches, and it made his heart race.
"I like you, Rob."
