REFLECTIONS

Chapter 8

2019

Handing out your phone number to a stranger isn't the most responsible thing that I have ever done. Oddly enough, I didn't seem to mind. The old me, would have flipped a lid over the situation. It's not like he knew my address or really anything about me. If he only knew how screwed up I was inside. If anyone knew, they would waste less time trying to help and realize I can't be fixed.

As I exit the steaming shower, I reach for the towel on the rack and wrap it around my hair. Once I finish putting my clothes on, I notice the blue light blinking on my phone. This tells me either I recieved an email or text message. I unlock my phone and see a message from Ryan.

"Good morning beautiful. 😊"
-Ryan

Beautiful? Nothing about me screams beautiful or even cute for that matter. I'm really starting to question Ryan's sanity at this point. You must be insane if you thought I was beautiful. The fact of the matter, is that I'm dying on the inside.

I'm screaming for someone to help but no one can hear my crys. I will confess I gained the skill of heading my pain in front of others. It's easier to hide than have to hear their opinions. So much easier to cry alone. However, I let all those thoughts pass over me as I text him back. It was a simple good morning text, but I could feel my heart beat faster as I text him.

"Good morning, Ryan."
-Naomi

"I don't know how I'm going to make it through my shift, today. A beautiful girl kept me up all night."
-Ryan

Again with that word, beautiful. I hated that word and everything it might. Was Ryan getting too close to me? If only he know how I would break his heart in the end because I have nothing left to give.

I left him on read and decide to get ready for an eight hour shift at work. Oddly enough, work kept my mind off of the past. I had time to focus on the drinks and the customers. That was nice for a change.

Buzz, buzz!

I feel my phone vibrate in my front jean pocket. It was a message from Ryan.

"You're probably busy, but can I call you tomorrow? I really would like to hear your voice. I bet it's as beautiful as you are."
-Ryan

Jesus. Does he not stop. I know I should respond, but do I say yes? A part of wants to say yes then I think about all the things that could go wrong. It wasn't as though he lived close. If things went south, I wouldn't have to face him in town. The more I think about, the more I decide to go through with it.

"I don't have work until noon, so you can call me at 8AM my time."
-Naomi

"That works. I have my other job tomorrow so I'll be talking through the bluetooth in my truck. Hope that's okay."
-Ryan

"That's fine by me. Can't wait. 😃"
-Naomi

"Can't wait!?" What the heck was I thinking with that comment?

I arrive to work five minutes early to lock up my purse and car keys in the employee breakroom. It was your typical Starbucks cafe. The same setup as the rest of the chain cafes. I mostly work with people my own age. At least we can joke around with each other and make the hours pass.

When I enter behind the barista counter, I'm greeted by Shep. He is about six feet tall with green eyes and short curly dirty blonde hair. He is quite handsome for a man in his late 30s. He is also easy to work with. I believe he is still a bachelor.

"Hey, Naomi. How are we today?" Shep asks in his mid-weastern accent. He says he is from Chicago and always complains about the work ethic of the new generation. He believes they work slow as snails out. Then he'll go on about the Chicago Cubs and how they won the 2016 World Series.