Afraid•Niccolo Genoveder Rossi •

Twenty-nine

|Serena|

Those words rang in my head.

I knew something would have intercepted this.

But not something so permanant.

I had this horrible hole in my stomach.

He's a father now.

Of her baby.

Did he even love me?

Was I just an extra in his life?

How much did I actually mean to him?

I sat in my homeroom class, where he sat right behind me.

Ignore him.

He wants nothing to do with me.

He tapped my shoulder.

Don't turn around.

Stay strong.

I knew that if I looked at him I would cry.

Or punch him in the face.

Either one seemed highly likeable.

He tapped on my shoulder again.

"Stop." I whisper lowly.

"Look at me". He whispers.

"Just leave me alone". 

"Look at me". He restates.

"Stop".  I plead.

"Look. at. me."

"If I look at you, I will cry." I warn, tears threatening my eyes.

"And I would hold you".

"Stop." I say.

"I mean it". He pleads.

"Just look at me, please. I know it would be the last time". He says.

I could just hear the hurt in his voice.

"If I do this, will you leave me behind?" I ask.

"You know I can't promise that". He says.

Just then, the teacher walked in and class had begun.

I couldn't believe him.

He needs to leave my life.

I let him in and now he needs to go.

I can't stand here and let him hurt me.

It would be better if he wasn't here.

If he went back to his life and stayed out of mine.

That thought burned a hole through my heart.

I can't have him.

But how can she have him?

She lacks personality.

I guess I was too late.

I couldn't possibly have loved him all those months ago.

He was a real jerk to me.

That was, until that night happened.

When he made me pasta and insisted on taking care of me.

That's when I started to love him.

And all this time it burned.

More intense each month that passed.

And only now I am realizing this?

I felt Niccolo leaning closer behind me.

Stop it.