Thinking Out Loud

Hot and Cold

One moment we're ok. We laugh, crying tears of joy as our heads throw back. We struggle to breathe then have to gain composure for the next five minutes.

I love those moments.

But.. all of a sudden, you turn. We aren't laughing anymore. I'm crying while you shout in my face, the venom you spit echoing around my head. I get dizzy, throwing my head back to try and breathe.

You make me breathless in more ways than one. You care for me then you hurt me, you love me then you hate me. You cry with me then you scream at me...

I don't wanna play this hot and cold game with you anymore. You give me anxiety, you make my knees go weak, you make me feel dizzy like I'm about to pass out.

You bring me joy and sorrow.

Over the years, I tried to learn that you're temperamental. I kept my distance to protect my dainty heart. Yet no matter the distance, your screams shake my heart and I feel tiny shards pinging through my skin and onto the floor.

Blood surrounds me as I fall to my knees, ever so weak. My heart bleeding out all over me. The places you once touched with love now a shade of red we'd both be afraid to touch.

I can't tell if I hate you or love you anymore...

Maybe a bit of both.

Maybe the way I feel about you is hot and cold too.