A vantas' Shitty Guide To Romance

I'm Not One of Those Crazy Trolls

Karkat Vantas wasn't the kind of person to really know how to handle romances. Yes, he was a romance expert and the only one who really understood but when it came to actually being in a romantic relationship, he fumbled hard. Really hard. It was obvious: He fumbled with Terezi and Jade, he somehow even fucked up a kismesis relationship with John! How was that possible!?

Until Karkat met Dave.

Dave Strider, aka the most obnoxious person ever, was the person that caught Karkat's eye. It was a surprise, honestly. Dave was the last person anyone would expect. The two were opposites, completely different people and it couldn't be more obvious. Even a blind person could see that!

Maybe Karkat was just too blind to see that Dave wasn't the person for him. Though, he couldn't be further from the truth.

I suppose we should rewind for the sake of context, it'll be confusing otherwise.

Everyday was the same in the meteor, it wasn't exciting or worth looking forward to. If anything, it was dreadful. Everyday was the same, they'd eat breakfast, figure out the plan for the day, not follow that plan, argue and then leave each other alone until bedtime. It got annoying but it was routine at this point so Karkat didn't really care anymore.

On the couch was that prick Dave Strider. His stupid white hair and freckles face.... Those stupid sunglasses and the way he carries himself.... His slender and tall frame– It was nauseating! Karkat hated everything about him! He wanted to rip those sunglasses off of Dave's face and break them with his sneaker. Practically made Karkat vomit in his mouth if he had anything in his digestive system. The fact was, the two of them were fighting for Terezi, but it was obvious who was going to win her over, it was going to be Karkat! He's known her for longer so it was only fair that Karkat would end up her matesprit! Karkat was the only one who understood her crazy ways. What did Dave know? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! He doesn't know Terezi the way Karkat knows her, it wasn't humanly– or troll-ly– possible! And Karkat was going to make that clear.

"Do you really think you can be with Terezi?" Karkat asks, crossing his arms as he furrows his eyebrows. It wasn't clear, but Dave looked up at Karkat before snickering and looking back at his laptop. Karkat growls at this, rolling his eyes so hard, he probably sprained something. The troll growls, uncrossing his arms and shoving them in the pockets of his jeans. "Well? Speak, dammit!"

"What do you want me to say?" Dave says immediately after Karkat, almost interrupting him. Karkat's mouth falls agape but doesn't say a thing. Dave notices this and laughs. "Is a guy not allowed to like a girl? Hmm? Is that so wrong?

Karkat rolls his eyes again, resisting the urge to pull out his hair and yell at Dave. He keeps his composure– whatever composure he has. The troll snaps back, "No! You don't know Terezi! You think you do but you don't." Karkat's voice was strong before he turned on his heel and stomped off.

That fucking prick! What an asshole. It was insufferable, the way he spoke about Terezi like she was an object.

Maybe Karkat was seeing this wrong, maybe Dave really cared about Terezi. No! That was such a bullshit way of thinking! Dave only wanted to fuck with Karkat, that's why he was pursuing Terezi, it was the only logical answer in Karkat's brain.

When Karkat reached his room, he slammed the door and threw himself onto the bed. Beds– ugh, it was a human thing. He preferred his sleeping pod (also called recuperacoon) at home but they just couldn't manage to add any on the meteor so they just had plain old beds. If Karkat had to be honest, they were pretty comfortable but he still preferred his sleeping pod back on Alternia.

He turns his head, his black hair covering his eyes. He sits and looks at the shirt draped over his dresser. Terezi's.... Karkat gets up and grabs it, holding the black, soft shirt in his hands. The pads on his fingers caressed the fabric before he holds it close to his chest and sniffs it softly....