When I got to my place, I greeted my mum who was reading her bible and made my way to my room to change from my school uniform, and I left the house to Lucas'.When I got to his place, his uncle opened for me. He told me Lucas was in his room and he directed me to him. I found him lying on the bed, covered in sheets and reading a book. Since the door was wide open, I threw myself inside and he smiled when he saw me. His smiles were too bright to miss. I walked over to the side of his bed and stood there. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again," he said moving the book away from his face."Neither did I," I replied. He smiled and showed me the book he was reading. The title of the book seemed interesting but I wasn't there. "I've stopped reading," I said still standing. Though there was something strange about him – his face was thin.He let out a small laugh and said, "It's important to feed your mind with knowledge. Reading will boost your intellect. Look how smart you are, now, imagine if you boosted your intelligence with books? We'd know you as Aonstein (Aona + Einstein), a female version of Einstein. We read deeply for varied reasons, most of them familiar: that we cannot know enough people profoundly enough; that we need to know ourselves better; that we require knowledge, not just of self and others, but of the way things are." he said and I laughed with him. Every guy I've met in my life only complimented me for my looks, and there he was, noticing something different about me. I love being called beautiful, but it's another intimacy when someone tells me I'm smart."I guess you're using the scope you got from Lucia to charm me," I said smiling.He laughed and stopped. "We didn't go that far." He paused. "I think you'd like to sit," he said pointing at the camp chair that was beneath his spare bed. I pulled it out and sat my arse down. "How have you been?""I've been trying and you?""I'm not complaining," he said. He took a long pause. "What do you think of me?""What do you mean?" His question strike me as strange. This was a tricky question because there were too many things I could say about him, so I just told him the most basic ones. "I think you're kind, you're caring, forever happy and loving," I said not knowing if it's what he wanted me to say or not."Thank you," he said looking at me without blinking. I looked away and he still was looking at me. Okay that's Awkward, Lucas, what are you up to? "I have something to tell you. Hope you won't be mad at me," he said after a long glance at me."Lol, what have you done this time?"He laughed and replied, "Come on," he paused. "I know you're asking yourself why I'm lying flat on the bed and not moving..." Wait, come to think of it, since I got there, he didn't move an inch of his body, except for his head when he turned to look at me. "You asked me once where I see myself in five years and I said to you; I just want to have a family, yeah...? Well, I meant everything. I know it's strange to just wish for something like that, but to me it isn't. Especially if circumstances don't allow you to dream far.""What circumstances?""All my life... all I wanted was happiness... to be fulfilled. To live a happy life and you my love... fulfilled that dream. I thought that maybe I'd be one of those people who died with unfilled potential, but I thank God I'm not one of them," he said in a teary broken speech. I looked at him in fright and I wondered what was going on. I froze not knowing what to do or say. "I've something to tell you," he paused. He took my hand to his chest and placed it there. "What do you feel?" he asked still moving my hand around his left chest."Nothing.""Don't you feel anything strange – something like a goose hump?" I focused my hand on his chest as I moved it around and I felt something like a hump, and I told him. He removed my hand from his chest and said, "This right here, my love, is my ticket to Heaven. It's a lump. I developed this Lump when I was in my 10th grade and I had no idea what it was. I lived with it not knowing what it was until recently when I started losing weight. So, I went on the internet, and it... the internet described that as symptoms for breast cancer." I let that sink in for a moment. I looked at him in disbelief. I wasn't sure if I heard him right. "What are you saying to me, Lucas?""I'm saying I've got breast cancer.""Wait, what? What are you telling me Lucas? You don't have cancer. You're a man and men can't have breast cancer... no, no, no. Internet is full of lies, what if... what if it's wrong?""I thought so too, until I went for a check-up with a doctor. Remember at the camp when we were supposed to meet for our study session and I didn't pitch? I said I went to the doctor?" he said reminding me of the day he came to my room unannounced at the camp. "Yeah, that day is the day I found out the truth. I didn't want to depend only on the internet, so I looked for a second opinion. The doctor confirmed that I was indeed diagnosed with breast cancer. It's on stage four," he paused and allowed me to process everything. "I couldn't get up to hug you because... my legs are no longer working," he said removing the sheets. I looked at his legs and they seemed fine to me. He told me they weren't functioning. After he said these words, my blood drained from my face and a sheaf of dizzying images fluttered through my mind. I broke down in tears right there. I burst into tears.My mind kept displaying memories of me and him, and what we could've achieved with our love. Right there my friends, was my moment of weakness.He comforted me and tried to calm me down as I was busy filling the ocean with tears. He caressed my face. I could see in his face that he was fighting so hard to act fine. I saw pain in him and that made me cry even harder."How much time do you have?""Nine months." He said and I continued weeping."Why did you do this to me, Lucas?" I asked after I stopped myself from crying."Did what, honey?""Why did you make me fall in love with you knowing you'd leave me so soon?""As I've said, my dying wish was to live a happy life full of love. You changed my life, Aona." I cried. He grabbed my hand and brushed it softly. "I'm so sorry," he added.His situation worsened as days went by. The next few days were hard for me. I frequently visited him. This had become my routine that every after school I check up on him. My mum knew everything so she supported me through it all. He became thinner and weaker day by day. Watching him like that broke my heart. He went from 'I can chew meat to I can't chew pap'. There was once an incident where I stole my mum's money to pay for a sangoma to help him, but it didn't help. One day during my visit, he gave me the most precious gift anyone has ever given me in my life. He gave me the ring his late mother gave him. At first I didn't want to take it, but he insisted that I take it. This was the ring his mother gave him to use when he gets married and I didn't want to ruin his fate. "I don't ask you to love me always like this. But I ask you to remember. You carry with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamt of you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we have shared at some time the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage..." Oh my God I love this boy. I watched him smile and making silly jokes as he laid on the bed helpless.That day I went home and thought hard about the gift I could give him, something he'll forever remember me with. Something that would belong to us. We didn't have too many great memories together, except the chill outs we had at camp. I needed something that would remind me of him every single day; a place I could go to when I missed him, or something I could look at when I think of him. As I was busy cracking my skull, an idea presented itself to me. That was it. I quickly left my bed and went to his place, and there I found him lying on his bed reading a book. When I saw him, I realized that my soul mate was getting thinner and thinner. I could see the blood flowing from his veins. I could see the reflection of his bones from skin. Before we both said anything, I locked the room and went over to him. I stood in front of him and took my clothes off. He looked at me in shock."What are you doing, baby?" he asked surprised."I know I said I want to lose my virginity when I'm much older, and I think I'm ready now to lose my virginity to you, my love." I know before I said I'd lose my virginity when I'm older and with a man I love, and right there I realized that the time meant nothing when you're with a person you love. Not only was I ready to lose my virginity to him, but I was also ready to have his seed. His love meant everything to me, and having his child would mean the world to me. It would serve as a reminder of the love I once had."I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times... in life after life, in age after age, forever. I do not love you as if you were salt rosé, or tropaz. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way." I moved closer to him and said, "I want you to be my first." Since he couldn't move, I climbed on the bed and went on top of him. He stopped me and asked if I was sure and I told him it's what I wanted.Having sex and making love are two different activities. The sex with someone you love is different from the sex you have with a random person. Lucas made me reach the climax without sex, and being intimate him was the greatest climax I've ever had in my life.Two weeks later I was sleeping in my room when an unknown number called me in the middle of the night."Aona, this is Luke's uncle." I couldn't tell if he was crying or what, but his voice was mournful. "Hello," I replied. He took a long pause before he said words I never wanted to hear. "He's gone. Lucas is no more." He totally cut me off. This time I could hear sobs. I ended the call, I didn't know what to say. I ran out of words to utter. It crept the very core of my being, my hands were trembling in fear. The pain of losing something is much crueler than the pain of never having had it at all.
Unfortunately, Lucas did not live to see his daughter. He passed away when I was few weeks pregnant. My love with Lucas made my parents aware that love is not something that grows in you when you're twenty-five or older, but it's something that can grow on anyone at any age.
Chapter 8
Start from the beginning
