I wanted to cry but we were too exposed to let out my tears. I told him everything that had happened in my meeting with Lucia. I wasn't aware how loud I was until he told me to calm down. When I looked around me, eyes were staring at us. I just couldn't believe I was played by a junk. A boy who's not even my type. Nxa. Sizwe told me not to make any decision in my state because I'd regret it later, but my anger over clouded my judgement. The feelings I had for Lucas died instantly. I developed anger towards him. The attention I caused around us was too much for me to be at school, so I ran to my class and grabbed my bag. Sizwe tried to stop me, but he failed. I went past the security and walked out of the school without them seeing me. I went straight home, locked myself in and cried myself to the last strength I had.After weeping, I felt better, but I still needed to confront Lucas. I wasn't the type of a girl that left things hanging, especially if it involved my feelings. I looked at the time, 13:21, and I waited for after school to go to his place. I threw myself on the bed and Sizwe's call came through and I ignored it. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. I spent not less than ten minutes laying on bed and the next thing I was gone to sleep.I woke up later in a different weather and temperature, still in my school uniform. I looked outside through the window and it was getting a bit darker. I checked my phone and there were five missed calls from Sizwe, three from Lucia, two from an unregistered number and seven from the devil himself, Lucas. I checked the time and it was 17:33.I changed from my uniform to a jean and pink t-shirt. I walked outside my room and past my mum in the kitchen who was baking. I walked past her without saying a word and rushed to Lucas' house.When I got to his place, I knocked and he opened. He showed me in. We went inside and luckily, his uncle and wife weren't home, so my expression of anger would not be limited. He led me to his room and I refused. I stopped right in the lounge, between the dining table and empty TV stand."How could you do this to me?" I said boiling in anger."I can explain," he said calmly, coming over to me and I moved far apart."Your bitch couldn't wait to tell you. Where's she?" I said furiously."She's not here. She called to tell me what happened at school today," he paused. "Look, Aona, I can explain everything.""I don't want to hear it!" I snapped. "You played me. You lied to me. I was a fool to believe every word that came out of your filthy mouth," I said with my tears on the edge of my eyes but I fought so hard to block them from falling. "I thought this... I thought that maybe... I... I... I... You fooled me," I said teary."I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I didn't know what to do," he said softly. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."I looked at him still in my tears. I turned and walked towards the door. He rushed to me and held my hand and I forcefully pulled my hand from him and slapped him on the cheek, so hard. He looked at me in shock and I did the same after what've just done. In that moment I expected anything to happen; to return the clap. Or do even worse. After what he did to me, I realized that I didn't know him and what he was capable of. We shared an intense eye dying contact for close to twenty seconds, and right there, I started shaking. I feared. I feared that he might strike me, so I made my way out of his house and ran to my place.When I got to my place, I found Sizwe speaking to my mum. They both stood up the moment they saw me and mum forced her way to me. She gave me a hot slap and I almost fell. I looked at her in shock and Sizwe intervened. He stood in between us. He tried to calm my mum down who was very furious, for what, I don't know."What did I tell you about boys?" she fumed. Okay Sizwe told her. "Answer me, damnit!" she shouted. Her face was sour this time. I was lost for words. Instead of arguing with her, I ran to my room and locked myself in there. I heard my mum shouting at Sizwe and telling him never to set foot in the house again.
After hours of locking myself in, mum knocked on my door. "Go away," I said from inside and covering myself with a blanket."I'm not here to fight, nana. I'm here to talk," she said soft. I hopped off the bed and went to open. She walked in and I closed the door behind and went to lay on my bed and faced the wall. She sat on the corner of the bed, facing away from me. There was silence in the space for close to ten seconds and she broke it. "Nana, I'm sorry for slapping you," she said looking down. "What I did was stupid. I'm just trying to protect you from the streets – from these boys. I have a bad history with men and I don't want what's happened to me to happen to you, sweetheart." She turned over and looked at me. This time I saw tears falling down her eyes. I had no idea why she was crying, but I went closer to her. I caressed for her back."I've never told this to anyone," she said and took a long pause. "When I was seventeen I was raped by my boyfriend." She looked up the roof and down at me. The tears rolled around her cheeks and for the first time, I saw my mum in pain. I waited for her to calm down first before I could proceed to ask her questions."What happened, mum?" I asked after she had calmed."He was my first boyfriend," she said fixing her eyes. "At first he was kind, or at least I thought he was. One day he invited me to his house. His parents were out at church that night. It was just the two of us. It was fun. We watched a movie. At least two movies if I remember well. It was all fun, you know, the time you spend with someone you love is always priceless. We cuddled, kissed, played. By 22:00, we started kissing passionately. I knew this was a wrong idea, but I didn't care, because I thought he knew I wasn't ready to have sex. I had told him before that I'd break my virginity when I was twenty-one. All this time I thought he understood, but I was fooling myself. He started kissing me in my private areas. I did not stop him because I thought he understood. Just when I thought he was stopping, he went down on his knees and grabbed my ass. I was enjoying the moment. I was lost in my world. I felt something I never felt before. He untied my jean button. I was horny, but there, I told myself this was going too far, so I stopped him, but he went ahead doing what he was doing. When I realized he wasn't planning on stopping, I pushed him away and that's when he got angry and forced himself on me. I was powerless. I screamed, screamed and screamed, but nobody helped me," she said in tears. "He continued to penetrate me. I cried, hoping he'd stop, but he did more. I was lost in a dark labyrinth. My soul wounded. I was completely lost, lost of all those sincere feelings I once had." My mum cried and I hugged her. It badly hurt me seeing her that way."He threatened to kill me if I dared told anyone," she continued. "He continued to do as he pleased with me. He continued to rape me whenever he wanted. Some days he'd come to my class and pretend like the teacher was calling me and he took me to the toilets to rape me – sometimes in the bush, sometimes anywhere he felt like he can have sex with me. I cried myself to sleep every night. I drowned in depression. For five years I spent my life living in constant fear. Fear that someday I might lose my life. People thought I was in a happy relationship, when I was only a hostage. He brainwashed me to hate my friends. He'd say they're jealous of our relationship and I should stop hanging out with them. I listened to him because I feared. I didn't tell my parents because I feared. I pretended to be happy because I feared. He said I was his, and his mine. I am hers, and she's mine. I couldn't leave. After high school he forced me to stay with him. I had no choice but to stay with him. My parents knew nothing. I hid everything from them. They thought he was a good man by the way he portrayed his character around them, so I doubt they would've believed me if I told them what kind of a monster he was. Some might ask themselves why I didn't report him to the police, but the truth is, unhappiness is far better than death. Is it though?
Chapter 7
Start from the beginning
