Jack Daniel's: a whole in one story 😍✨

The El Noche Noche Show 🌈✨

Cue laughter

James looked shocked for a moment, then he covered it up with a well rehearsed laugh and slapped me in the back harshly,

"Wow, a we have a fire-cracker tonight comrades!" He laughed with a malicious twinkle in his eye.

Cue cheering

"Now comrade, am I right in saying that you are a big fan of just dance?" He said. He grinned knowingly, secretly alerting the operator crew.

"Yes James, I used to play just dance everyday back home, I loved it so much, but not as much as you love to eat,"

Cue laughter

James once again paused then carried on with the script. I swear I saw his fifth chin tremble with irritation, from the thick saliva sliding down his gullet or his anger, professionals are still unsure.

"Well, it's crazy that you say that because we have a massive projector and Xbox 360 in the studio tonight! Comrades, give a hand for Jacob!" He yelled and clapped like the obese beluga whales at Sea World.

This was not a crazy assumption to make, as earlier I had filled out a form which stated what traits James could exploit me for.

But I still danced my heart out to Disturbia anyway, I can never stop, wanna have fun. James, however, was not having fun, maybe it was my charming demeanour, I'm not sure, he just seemed a bit angry. The show must go on.

I bow after my megastar score, everyone is flabbergasted at that. If you practice something everyday then you can get good at anything, James just chose a useless hobby that's all.

Cue applause

I sat more cautiously now on the plastic couch and I waited for James to initiate the next point of 'conversation'.

"Comrade I heard you have a little crush on a certain boy called Danny, is that correct?" He mentioned subtly. Now that was not on the form.

"Uh... yeah I guess," I chuckled nervously, "where did you hear that James?"

"Oh you know, just a little birdie, well no it was Danny's sister Carrot-Cake!" He laughed and gripped the seat as if he was having a heart attack from the far incasing his arteries, "Comrades, Carrot-Cake!"

James gestured towards the projector once again and Carrot-Cake came up on call.

(It is a well-known fact that people who love to put their hair in ponytails are not affected by memory exorcism or gay exorcism)

"Welcome Carrot-Cake, we understand you are busy working at BigBob's centre for the Crazies, we only ask you to answer this one question..." dramatic pause, "are you a JackDaniels shipper?"

"Yes," she said obviously and the call disconnected.

Cue cheering

"Now Jacob, to test how strong this crush is we are going to play a little game of..." dramatic pause,"kiss marry kill!"

Cue cheering

"Comrade, of course Danny is an option... but as a special treat we have the amazing, talented, winners of Mr and Miss universe! Please welcome Mark and Elle Brookey Arch Mirror!"

Mark winked at me and Elle Brookey Arch Mirror was still applied more fake tan even though she no longer looked white and had changed race. Maybe she should do a masterclass for the manifesters out there.

"So let's play comrade, who would you kill first of all!" He laughed.

"Mark," I said immediately.