The Dragon Prince's Consort

Forty-Six

Fang carefully slid the horned headdress off of her hair and held it to her chest. "Valen... I want this to work too. I want this to work for you, I want this to happen so you'll see what I see." I want you to see how smart you are, how brave you are. How you keep fighting for me even when I know you don't love me. "You're absolutely right, you've put so much work into this I don't know how it could fail. But even if... even if it does, it won't be because of anything you did. And even if it is, everyone fucks up sometimes. I know I have, so many times."

Valen raised his cast hand as if to run his claws through his hair, then he paused a second before switching to his good one. He ruffled the shortest bits in front of his eyes, adding more unruliness to the choppy, uneven lengths. "Fang," he sighed, "you are either the most forgiving woman in the universe, or you're crazy. I don't deserve this much loyalty, but thank you."

"You do deserve it," Fang turned the headpiece in her hands, watching the diamonds, garnets and obsidian flash. "After everything you've done for me, you've earned it."

Valen sat beside her on the bench, facing away from the dressing-table. His good hand covered one of hers on the horns. "Does that mean you'll trust me? Tomorrow, when I make this official, there's no backing out of it. You'll be a Drassian for as long as you live unless the Empire falls apart, wherever you decide to go."

I don't want to go, that's the problem. "I can live with that. I trust you, Valen. I know you'll do what you think is best, not just for me but for everyone. I told you that for as long as we're together, I'm going to choose you." Until I can't anymore.

Valen's red fingers curled around her fair, and he gave her a sad smile. "I'm not sure I'd call it a choice, not at this point. But I won't stop you, so I guess I'm doing the same."

Fang set the headdress on the vanity, balancing it on the fitted cap against a heavy jar of sweet-scented, thick skin cream. She scooted closer to the Drass so that their shoulders touched, and Valen leaned over to gently bump his forehead against hers. For a half-second longer than usual they stayed like this, Fang listening to him breathe and feeling the tip of a gold-plated tusk touch the corner of her mouth. She only had to move her head slightly to prompt Valen to kiss her, and when he did the anxiety and desperation she'd been holding down burst forth. Her hands went to the long lapels of Valen's robes, grasping the fabric and pulling. Please, don't make me go! If you just want to make me free that's fine, just don't tell me to leave!

"Fmmh?" Valen mumbled against her mouth, then broke away. "Fang, what's wrong?"

"Valen, I'm scared," Fang whimpered, admitting half of the truth. "I'm so scared I won't be good at this, not like you are. You grew up with this, I didn't – I don't know the people you do, I don't know how to talk to them without sounding stupid. I don't want to make you look bad in front of all those people–" she stopped when Valen snorted. "What?"

"Do you really think I have any idea what I'm doing?"

Fang shrugged, still holding and playing with his lapels. The buttons were miniature kai coins in silver, stunning against his deep blue over-robe. The white under-robe reflected that with silver embroidery around the neck. "You do make it look that way."

"Glad someone thinks so, because I don't. I'm just making it up as I go – and I seem to remember someone telling me no one really knows what they're doing anyway." Valen laid his good hand over Fang's on his chest. "I'm scared too. There's so much riding on this, on me, and I feel like it's all going to come crashing down at any moment and there won't be anything I can do about it."

"At least I'm not the only one who feels that way," Fang sighed.

"Not at all. Now I think I understand why my father is so meticulous – any little thing he can control, he does so things will work out the way he wants. I never thought I'd have to learn how to pave a street to write a colony charter, but here I am." Valen have her a funny little smile, amused but tight. "All I can do is everything I can, the rest is either up to chance or luck."