Until my last breath

29

"Uh yes, didn't feel like spending the whole night in my hotel room." He breaks the eye contact and takes a seat next to Arthur.

What is he doing here? I thought he's flying back with his girlfriend.

I sigh and go back to my seat on the other side of Arthurs. My food remains untouched. I try to engage in more conversation with Thomas and Marina but my head is only focused on Gavi and everything that happened earlier.
Pablo seems to be having a good time with the drivers. Even though most of them or maybe even all support Madrid they seem to like gavi so much. I hate it that i can't enjoy this special night like everyone around me.

"Everyone. " Pascale suddenly taps her champagne glass, grabbing everyone's attention including mine. As soon as she feels everyone's eyes on her she proceeds to speak.
"I'm so happy we're all gathered here tonight to celebrate this eventful evening. I know everyone here is present in support of a friend or a sibling. I however would love to show off my 2 children who won their races today. My dear son who won his home race and my beautiful daughter who won her 3rd championship at just 17. I'm incredibly proud of both of you and I can't wait to see you thriving to achieve more. To many many more celebrations like this to come.
Je vous aime beaucoup mes amours jusqu'à mon dernier souffle. To Charles and Rita" She raises her glass with a wide smile plastered on her face, looking at the both of us as everyone starts to applaud her. Both Charles and I stand up and hug her tightly from each side before placing a kiss on her cheeks.
"Je t'aime plus maman." I whisper in her ear taking a seat.

____________________

It's almost midnight, many already left but i know i had to stay till everyone's gone. I look around in the restaurant. It's one of the best in Monaco, with a great view at Monte Carlo and the circuit. I sneakily grab a champagne glass from a waiter walking by with a tray and head to the balcony. The night is filled with stars of all kinds and sizes, the weather chilly just the way i like it. The streets are almost completely empty and the lights now dim. So are the thoughts in my head.
Dim.
I can't seem to understand myself anymore. I lean on the railing, mixing the drink in my hand around.

"You and balconies." I feel a presence behind me. I have a few guesses to who it could be. Actually just one.
"Yea I love the views." I turn around and face Gavi. He also has a glass in his hand even though we're both still underage."I thought you were flying out today?" I take a sip. This is actually really good.
"No I'm flying out tomorrow." He walks and stands beside me by the railing. "Amelie just wanted me to drop her off at the airport." I nod in response. "Did you enjoy the race?" I tilt my head. "Yes very much. It was a very nice experience." He smiles widely at me and i can't help but do the same. "I'm so glad you had a good time."
"But you don't seem like you did."  His statement catches me off guard. He is fully turned to me but i fail to do the same and just stare back ahead. I know he's the only one i can tell this to. He was with me. He saw it happen. He even saved me. I just don't want to relive it. I don't want to believe that it actually happened. but i also know it'll come crashing down on me sooner or later once my mind accepts it. I look up to meet his hazel eyes anticipating if i should trust him or not. It didn't even take me a second. His eyes were very sincere and genuine. "You can trust me." The words brought me so much comfort I'm desperate for. It's like he can hear my thoughts.
I let out a small sigh and take another sip. "Every time i feel like I'm finally getting my life back together, everything falls apart. When i sealed my points, my mom died. I won the championship... well I almost got raped." There it is. The horrendous truth. I close my eyes shut in disgust and let a shaky breath out. "It just... it feels like i don't deserve to be happy you know." i open my glossy eyes once again and look back at him. I can tell he's taking everything i said in but his expression didn't change one bit, still full of concern. "a fucked up life i have." I chuckle to myself.
"I don't know seems like a pretty life to me." He speaks after a few minutes. "You think?" I ask confused.
Pretty life? Mom's death, almost getting raped? Pretty?
"Yes you do face many struggles that make it seem like it's the end of the world. But it's not. These struggles make you who you are. They build you. Look at it that way. You lost your family but you gained a wonderful one who I'm sure care for you deeply. You stood up to yourself today. and above all you don't only love what you do. You're brilliant at it."
How? How do you do that? How do you always know exactly what to say?
"Well it takes a person who went through the same thing to understand you." He replies to my unconsciously spoken thoughts. I don't even have any words to say any more i just step forward and hug him not thinking about the consequences that might come with it. He takes a second before also wrapping his arms around me tightly. His embrace is like nothing i felt before in my life. The security and assurance i feel is beyond words. "Thank you Pablo." I whisper. "No don't thank me i did not-." "No you did so much, so much you have no idea. Thank you for saving my life today and for showing up. You've been a great friend." My head is still buried in his chest as soft whimpers begin to escape my mouth. He pats my back. "It's no problem I'm glad i can help. And congratulations champion. " I pull away and see his smile which makes me forget about everything around me. "Thank you." I say one more time.
"By the way I still can believe you can control cars that go this fast. I want to try that so bad." For a second i see a little kid coming out. "Nothing is impossible." I smile.

Everything about this reminds me of the night on the balcony in barcelona. How he catches me in low states. How he doesn't comment on my problems rather listens to whats on my mind and focuses on making me feel better not giving me his pettiness.

"So what are your plans for the summer?" He changes the topic as we empty our glasses. "Well so far I'm driving up to nice tomorrow to see some relatives then I'll go back to barcelona."
"You're french?"
"Does Bianchi sound english?" I smirk sarcastically and he just laughs. "My father is French and my mother English."
"Explains the accent." I chuckle. "Very unique." He adds. "What about you?" I ask. " Well I only have 3 weeks off before my usa tour so i don't have much time to go on vacation. Maybe a week home would be nice. I'm celebrating my birthday next week and that's pretty much it."

"Ree we're about to- I'm sorry." Lando comes out. "No worries. Pablo this is Lando, Lando this is Pablo." I introduce the two. They shake hands quickly. "Great race today." Gavi tries to be nice Lando just replies with a short smile. "Rita we're all about to leave to the club." He speaks now sternly. I could sense Lando isn't having it but I'll get to that later. i don't like his tone at all. "Alright have fun." I say. "What do you mean? Aren't you coming with us?" He asks confused. "No I had a long day, I'll just call it a night." I say. "But rita it's your night, we want to celebrate you properly." He sounds annoyed now. "Lando please." I speak immediately not wanting to cause yet another scene in front of Gavi. "Fine let me drop you off home at least." He turns and starts walking back inside. "I drove here." He stops in his tracks, takes a quick look at me before storming off. "Unbelievable." I scoff. "Situationship?" Pablo asks hesitantly. "God no. Lando and I, we're uhm..."i struggle to find the right term because we certainly aren't just friends but not more either. Or at least that's how he makes it seem "I wont tell don't worry."
"No no Pablo, Lando and I really are just friends." I deny his assumptions immediately. "It just always been a very complicated friendship between us." I explain. His expression soften as he nods slightly. "Why are you not going to the club?" He asks. "I'm still working on my social endurance i guess." I chuckle. "Come let me give you a ride to your hotel." I wave him over as i start to walk back inside. "You really don't have to." He assures me. "Yea i know, i want to." I smile generously. "Come on it's Monaco everything is a second away." I see the hesitance on his face.
"Alright." We walk to the car.