Doctor Hanahaki

I guess I'll let you stay. [9]

Akaashi had started to try and get over all of it.

The words had stayed sitting in his mind to try and improve his own life. A life without someone he realized had filled so much of what was once empty.

His name still popped into his head, and as much as Akaashi desperately wanted to contact him, he did not. He could not.

"It's Wednesday, are we still going out?" Sugawara popped his head into the room cheerfully, packed up to head out. He's all cheerful until he sees Akaashi still in his white coat and all, taking notes. "Akaashi?"

"Yeah, I will. I'm just, signing stuff and-" Akaashi is interrupted as the phone rings. The doctor's office is closed, but he recognizes the caller number. It's his youngest current patient, straight out of surgery, and a piece of him tells him to pick up and not let it go straight to voicemail. "One second," he picks up the phone. "Dr. Akaashi speaking, how can I help you?"

"It didn't work," there is static on the other side of the call while the sounds of coughing Akaashi knew far too well rang throughout the room. His patient on the other line, gasping for air and coughing so harshly that Akaashi could feel it through the phone. "I'm still... I'm going to die, Dr. Akaashi. The surgery did not work, Dr. Akaashi!" Words mixed with sobs and shouts of desperation as the sentences and their meanings hit Akaashi full force.

The call ends.

Akaashi drops the phone.

"Akaashi?"

Akaashi can't breathe. His heart is racing in his chest and even though he knows it's all in his mind, he swears he can feel petals flowing in his throat waiting to jump out. His hands shake as he grips the side of the chair to ground himself. It's impossible, Akaashi thinks to himself. The surgery is supposed to save lives. It didn't work. It failed Yamaguchi.

What if it fails me?

Akaashi is sent through a spiral, imagining the blossoms forming in his lungs as his reality spins. He wants to run, but his legs feel too weak to even stand. The world is so hot, so cold, so dangerous. Is he going to die too? Is he going to wake up one day as sick as when he was 17?

Am I next?

Muffled voices ring in his ear.

Is it Bokuto's fault?

The voices are slightly clearer.

No, shut up about Bokuto! You messed up, it's your fault!

"Keiji."

Akaashi opens his eyes. In front of him, Sugawara is kneeled on the ground, his hands on Akaashi's knees. "Hey. Let's get some deep breaths in you, okay? In... and out... just like that. You aren't sick, I know you can do it." Akaashi followed the deep breaths, and it was not until much later he had realized tears poured down his face, he was sobbing.

Dr. Akaashi Keiji, stripped from the ability to love when he was just seventeen, sobbing as he swore that he saw the face of death mocking him.

I'm terrified.

"There you go, you're doing great," Sugawara reassured him, his hands holding a gentle pressure against Akaashi's knees to ground him. "Much better, Akaashi."

"I don't think I want to go out right now," Akaashi mumbled, shrinking into himself.

"That's alright, do you want me to drive you home?"

"Please."

The drive home is rather silent, as is the walk to his apartment. So is the opening and closing of the door, Akaashi moving to sit on the couch in the silence only broken by Nariko's meow of acknowledgement.