TRIGGERS, mentions of PROFANITY, ALC0HOL1C 4BUS3, Intrusive thoughts and very rapid impulses.
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So fucking sick of this shit man. Like I wanna do all the reckless crap that people have done in their life, specifically getting high on drugs, smoke cigs, get fucked up, OD and absolutely lose my shit. I wanna experience the things that others have, that I still haven't. I want to live and express each, and every emotion. The need to feel alive, the need to feel like I'm a human being. If I can't balance any side, I'm simply giving up.
Not only negatives experiences. But for once I'd like to have plenty of good moments with those that I hold so fucking dear to me. A fun camping trip, or even go to the zoo, aquarium, amusement parks, laser tag, sleepovers, skydiving, pool parties, all of those fun stuff.. I may seem like an introvert to my acquaintances that know me irl, but really. I love to live in the moment and enjoy the new things that have occurred in my life. I love talking, the problem is that I never knew much. Wish I was never isolated when I was younger, or have the urge to die whenever I feel nothing.
I want to be accepted as I am. Sure I can be this sweet nice kid, but that was only because I wanted to be liked by everyone. Seen as someone perfect even if it means I neglect myself. Nobody would like an individual who's honest and would project their ideals on how the world should run. To me, truths are nothing but a play with words and we decide whether to believe it or not.
Everyone is messed up in their own way right? As far as I know, rules don't apply. Nor' does the expectations people have of me, only I choose who I can become and what affects me. Nothing matters, as long no one gets injured or killed. Otherwise, it'd be something that should be taken to court.
For human beings, we aren't so smart are we? We just think it's cool to do whatever we want. People would deny though cuz, we would've gotten this far in life? If continuing our generations are so important, or valued so much in society. Why don't we do shit that keeps the earth alive longer? Rather than trashing it like toddlers that don't know where to find a trash bin. Humans are not so mature are they? Saying this, as I include myself.
We share and hear the same information on how something is important. Yet people remain to be ignorant about the dangers going on, just because it doesn't affect them. If you think more about it, there's plenty of contradictions and even BS's that exist. Mental health? They call you insane, crazy, ask you why you're acting like that. Physical injuries? Oh no what happened to you, are you okay? That must've been so painful. Literally what's the point of the stigmas? If it only divides as more as a whole. Hell there also religious people that would contradict some Bible passages, "Love thy neighbor.." and they wouldn't. If a holy book is supposed to bring peace, why is peace so rare to fucking see on this planet? All there is endless conflicts and silent treatment. "Nothings easy" when was it ever? It'll never be easy, if no one puts the damn effort to make things work.
