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Some of you have noticed how I cryptically altered my bio and location to 'Tainted Illusions' + what sounds like track titles. Well then allow me to let you know that for the past few days, I've been stirring up a new songwriting era. However, this one greatly differs from Sweet Misery and Faded Daydreams.
This secret project is something that I needed to write to free former thoughts and feelings I constantly halted myself from feeling for the sake of preserving a friendship. I doubt that these songs will be relevant in 2030, when it's time for CS3 to be released. Is Tainted Illusions CS3? Honestly, I can't predict the future. I may reuse the asethetic and title CS3 that, but as for the songs going on the actual record 6 years from now? I really doubt I'm gonna be singing about this old, outdated situation on CS3 😂 However, I would love to perform all these songs as surprise songs on future tours!!
To me, Tainted Illusions is an extension of pouring my heart out. Tracks 1-6 on the upcoming 2025 Sweet Misery touch on the subject of first love. Those 6 tracks tell one singular story of those past 2 years I spent missing and pining over them, even despite the warning signs that it wouldn't work out. I had slipped on Rose Colored lens and told myself every great love is supposed to feel bittersweet. I guess that's why I refer to tracks 1-6 on Sweet Misery as the Bittersweet section of the album.
Tracks 1-6 on SM mostly summarize a whole year and 4 months. Tainted Illusions on the other hand, go into detail on the first four months of 2024 ( aka the four months of that 1 year and four months mentioned ). I got caught up in the storytelling scheme of tracks 1-6 and the author in me thought it'd be cool to further expand that story, specifying the heartbreak, anxiety and depressive episodes of the past 4 months, when I've been at my worst since 2022.
With tracks 1-6 of my upcoming ( to-be- released next year ) debut album already determined way ahead of time, I felt dumbfounded on what to do next regarding my songwriting. I was bored and don't see myself writing Sweet Misery songs until life leads me elsewhere in a few months. Tracks 8-13 are reserved for the next chapter in my life, I refuse for something so former and nowadays irrelevant be the main theme for every single track. 6 tracks is good enough in my opinion. I also have figured that I might as well allow myself to properly conclude the previous chapter of my life. It's not a pretty one, but perhaps it needs to be said instead of it taking up space in my head.
In fact, these past few months of my life have felt really dark. It felt so black and/or white, no more cloud 9. It's alright though, it's honestly in the past. With the release of TTPD, I couldn't help but to feel inspired by Taylor saying that making that album is when she need to write songs more than ever as a form to cope and move on. I guess that's what I'm doing too.
