Behind bars; the last place you'll want to ever find yourself but at twenty-three, that's where he sees himself.
All he wants to do is survive because that's all he can do.
But prison is more than a place filled with evil people facing punishments f...
The click of keys fill the room again leaving me with my thoughts. After a moment,I pick up leafing through the pages of the law textbook.
Again, another picture stops me dead in my track. This time,a physical printout picture with a younger looking Arial,her hair cut short and she has her arms around a girl. The girl looks to be the same age as Arial with her head closely shaved laying on a bed with IVs attached to her arms.
But something else stands out. Not the tiredness in her eyes that acts as a stark contrast to the smile filling her cheeks but a verse inscribed at the corner. Looking like a well shielded lock only its owner knows the combination to.
"Philippians 4:13",I mutter.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me",she says impulsively like it is tatted on her heart.
The clicking suddenly stops. "I thought I lost that",she mutters almost to herself,a ghost of a smile appearing on her lips.
She notices the question on my face and I figure she'll rather not say after a long pause.
"It's a very long story. It might bore you"
"That's for me to decide" After a second thought and another pause "But if you don't want to say, it's fine"
"You asked for it",she says in an unwavering tone.
"I have all the time in the world or until the guard on duty comes for me"
"She'd insisted we find a wallpaper with this bible verse to lighten up the hospital's room",she says her eyebrows furrowed, looking deep in thought.
"When I told you about my mum,did you assume I instantly forgave her because of God?"
I thought back to that day "Kinda"
She chuckles dryly. "It took me four years to actually forgive her and those years made up the best and worst times of my life".
My gaze is drawn to her eyes which has a storm of emotions brewing through them.
"Sienna, she beckons to the picture was given a year to live four years ago after battling through cancer her whole life.
"She refused to go through the chemo sessions after the news,said if she had just a year to live she'd rather spend it doing something she loved. The next six months she spent it volunteering in foster homes, homeless shelters, contributing in donations and fundraises. I had tried so hard to support her decision but I couldn't help thinking she was selfish. The doctor had warned her about the dangers of quitting her chemo sessions and she just didn't care".
A long pause follows her words,a far away look in her eyes as if she's reliving the memories.
"I remember the day she collapsed, she'd called me countless times but I had an after school activity and I'd switched my phone off. When I'd finally reached my phone,it was after school and dinner and it was a message from her telling me she was tired,the pain was unbearable and she'd chosen to end it earlier. Her parents had also tried to reach me to ask if she was with me when she disappeared after dinner".
"Fortunately,a stranger found her at the edge of a bridge and she'd collapsed before she could try anything. For two days,I watched her sleep not knowing whether she was going to make it because the doctor had told us that her system had completely shut down by the time she got to the hospital. The bible verse she'd pleaded to get taunted me and I wanted so much to tear it down the wall".
"Sienna was a Christian and I wondered why such a God would make those who followed Him suffer. If everything Sienna had told me about Him was true,why would a God who loved everybody watch her suffer to breath her last and take it away so early in her life?"
"It frustrated the heck out of me because I could see her suffering yet I could do nothing about it. I got into an argument with her when she regained consciousness. I stupidly placed all my frustration on her with no empathy about how she felt".
"She looked at me after my nonstop ranting about how she could even fathom taking her life, blaming God for what had happened and asking her how she could still believe in someone she claimed loved her but still left her to die. Classically, telling her to denounce Him".
A tear slides down her face. Two tears slide down her face and she shuts her eyes,her fingers shaking on the counter. Raw emotions I have not witnessed in a long time hits me in the face.
I grab a box of tissue from the cabinet and slide it over to her. Muttering a word of gratitude,she dabs at her eyes and and shuts the laptop to rest her arm on it,the assignment long forgotten.
I move from my position on the stool to the refrigerator and grab two bottles of water. "Heads up",I say chucking the bottle her way. Her tear stained eyes find mine but when she catches the bottle,she drops her gaze again.
She takes a small sip before continuing "Sienna looked at me and said I was behaving like Job's wife in the Bible when he'd lost everything." In a bid to control the overwhelming anger I felt even though I had no clue what she was saying,I barged out of the room and the hospital. That night,try as much as I could, sleep refused me. I couldn't stop thinking about our argument. Who was Job and what was she even talking about? My insomniac curiosity induced mind led me to searching about a God-fearing man called Job who had everything and lost it all in a day. His wife told him to curse God and when he refused,she abandoned him. I was filled with anger that she thought I'd abandon her that I did exactly that. When I think back to that time,it makes no sense at all but I was so enraged with bitterness and I felt doing exactly that would teach her the true meaning of getting abandoned.
Those two weeks I'd done that were the worst but life altering times of my life. I witnessed how my mum's disappearance had affected my dad and brothers and I'd sworn never to be like her yet I did to Sienna what my mum did to us.
"I move back to my stool and I can't stop my hand from covering hers. She glances up for a second giving me a strained smile through the tears."
We both sit in silence for a while with my hand over hers.
Maybe I'm speculating but I assume I'm the first person she's ever spoken to about this and in that moment,for the first time in years I don't see her tears as a weakness. I do not feel disturbed by the raw vulnerability being expressed. I just see someone who possesses so much strength,real strength that I refuse to acknowledge in my own life.
• • • • •
Woah,there was a lot of sharing there.
Am I the only one who thought of Lawless lawyer when Arial spoke about helping people?
Who has watched Lawless lawyer?
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