(( Ivan's unsent letter to Till, a few days after Round 5 )) based on a "spin the wheel" It is 7 am I did not sleep—sanity gone ───────────※ xxx ※───────────
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"It's as if I could reach him."
That's what I would say if they asked me what I thought of you after all this. "Like I could take his hands and tell him it's ok. That I'm here. That I've always been here." Then, even more unlikely, if they asked me what I expected from the next round: "We'd have an impossible moment of silence. Where I could look at him and he'd know. And maybe we would have something different, too..."
I don't know.
It doesn't sound real. Discouragingly, it isn't even close. I'm not sure I'd consider myself a dreamer either. A lot of this ALNST work is...thrilling, to say the least. I'm sure you've seen it too. The parties, the private performances, the...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
...saves.
───────────※ xxx ※───────────
The time I've spent here has been broadly of you. When we were younger, I used to upset you on purpose just so you'd acknowledge me. Now it's just games. I think I've spent so long playing games with you that everything real I felt is...well, it's been in hiding for the better part of 16 years. I'm not sure what this says about me.
I don't particularly care either.
Despite all reasoning...following, watching, laughing, fighting with you—every moment I've spent seeing you has been part of that wish we're supposed to whisper to gods. I've gotten it. Maybe not to the fullest extent. Maybe not to the lengths I wanted or craved for; but I got it.
And I'm...
I'm sorry for it.
Because I know that when this is all over, and I take my last fall to a stage so loud it hurts—you'll hate me.
You will cry, and yell, and maybe even fight over my image so much it'll tear you apart. And it's going to feel like the world just got a little smaller—that it's choking you out all over again. Then you'll have seen me. You would have looked me in the eyes and known I was right next to you the whole time.
Afterwards, maybe Mizi would come back. She would appear in some headline, or maybe even in person and you would forget about me all over again. I would have died.
──※ xxx ※──
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
And strangely...that's enough for me. The experiences, never, but for the circumstances handed to me...I think I successfully made you my reality,
