You, Me, We Are All Mistakes

29. ENJOY REAL LIFE FIRST

CHAPTER 29
ENJOY REAL LIFE FIRST

In the Eggkraft engine room, Duke sat on the floor, having given up on his boxy stool. His long thin legs crossed awkwardly, and his wiry hair sagged from the top of his head, having lost its original bounce. He was struggling with the situation.

"So do I have any duties as part of the Induction?" he queried his chicken-like abductor.

From his particular vantage point, Duke could see right through the room's open rear doors and out into the gantry. There was a generous portal in the ship's loading bay allowing an arced view of the shimmering white and gray planet they were orbiting, framed by the glittering universe beyond. Duke imagined how much his father would have relished this.

The world below appeared cold. Airstream gusts whirled ice into spirals, and a distant sun gave no colour to its surface. Duke believed he could discern a faint vapour trail where the landing party may have touched down. His thoughts wandered to their progress and rushed back to his own scenario. Tzkk now perched on a low beam, bunching his feathers together around his midriff, as he clutched an instruction manual that spoke softly to him about tachyons, hybrid drive reboots, and flux capacitors. Its gentle chatter continued over Duke's question.

For his own part, Duke had retrieved the willowy educational tome 101 Ways to Insult Technology that he had previously flung across the floor. Holding it lightly in his hands he now peered through the contents. It was slender and beautiful and quiet, yet its smooth waxy paper rippled with animations of likely mechanical breakdowns, together with pop-ups of the recommended curses associated with them. The premise entertained him, and he wished his father had lived to see this device.

Duke sat turning its many pages over, searching for how this marvel functioned. Yet the technology appeared embedded within each of its thin leaves of vellum. He could guess that the book may be typical of his surroundings, and not the single overwhelming artefact he first perceived it to be. His journey from orphaned conspiracy theorist to alien abductee had been voluntary, yet so swift it had given him no time to absorb the minutiae of each stage.

He gave a quick glance back at his companion, whose stubby claw fingers were scrolling up the pages of its own manual.

"Yes," said Tzkk without looking up.

"Yes what?"

Duke had lost himself in thought for a moment.

"You do have some duties, mostly minimal but important all the same."

"Like what?"

"It is key for the Induction, that you speak first. And you appear first."

"Like when?"

"When we make first contact."

"I appear first?"

"Yes. It softens the blow. The shock of an offworld ship descending on your home planet is genuinely severe, and understandably so. Hearing a familiar voice next lightens the load a little."

"So, what am I meant to say? Join the Club, I recommend it, they'll colonise you and then show you a better way." He smirked at Tzkk as he said this. "And they just say, yes please?"

"Okay Duke, yes. Something like that, but without the colonise bit if you don't mind. Just stay natural, your mere presence will help. It's a supporting role. As long as he follows the Induction codebook, Captain Sennai will have the primary role and do most of the talking after that."

"And you, Tzkk?"

"Well, I'm more of a guide. No speeches from me. And anyway, I've done my bit now. Once I've fixed this charabanc I'll be off, and out of your way."

"So you're not coming back with us?"

"It's probably best I don't Duke. I'm not meant to interfere."

"And I just say what comes naturally?"

"Just say it. They're your people, they'll understand you."

"Well, all this leads me to another question."

"Please."

"Okay... how come I can understand you? You're an alien. According to Spielberg you're supposed to communicate in tones of music or bars of coloured light... not in perfect English. I mean, charabanc... who still says that kind of thing?"

"Spielberg?"

"Answer the question."

"Tech Duke, it's always tech. I have my Eustachian tube implant. We'll get you one eventually, but as long as everyone else onboard has one, which is mandated, we can all understand each other as well as you."

"What? Euston Tube?"

"Eustachian tube." Tzkk touched his neck again where his claw had earlier dug into it at the point of their first interrogation. "Virtually all species have one. It's the small passageway that connects your throat to your middle ear. It can be a bit fiddly, but tune it with the right tech and we all sound the same. Look it up on the internet."

"The what?"

"The internet. The Galactic Wide Web, it connects all... ah, of course. You haven't got there yet have you. Oh lucky, lucky."

A wide smile stretched across his beak before he continued. "Indeed, no internet. I am so very jealous Duke. You have definitely got to enjoy real life first, before that gets phased in. Trust me."