umbrella { sunjay }

24.

song recommendation: chemtrails over the country club -lana del rey

jongseong felt himself gaining consciousness and pulled sunoo closer in his hold. for a while, he continued to stay in that position with his eyes closed. he felt the soft pattern of his own heartbeat, against the latter's.

finally, he pulled his head from the nook of sunoo's neck and slowly lifted his eyelids, allowing them to adjust to the sunlight intruding like an unwanted visitor through the windows.

once he was fully aware, his heavy eyes attached onto sunoo's perfect morning face. jay made sure not to miss a single freckle or pore. 

the longer he stared, he studied every detail, positive he had memorized his face like an astronomer memorized the stars in the skies.

a minute later, he watched sunoo's face stir awake and a small smile was hard to shake from his lips as sunoo opened his hazel-brown eyes. 

with a raspy voice, he raised an eyebrow. "why are you staring at me so creepily, hyung?" he ducked his head to hide into jongseong's chest. feeling the vibration pulse through the male as he let out a groggy chuckle.

"how am i being creepy?" he was thoroughly entertained by the shyness of the younger. 

sunoo just groaned in response before dethatching his body from the other (to both of their dismay).

"do you want to have breakfast with me?" jongseong had yet to prepare himself for sunoo to depart. he knew it was inevitable, but a big part of him didn't want that.

"sure." sunoo flashed a drowsy smile.

sunoo left to the restroom to change into his clothing from the previous day. and jay sluggishly exited the room while rubbing his eyes.

once he made it to the middle of the house, he stood frozen as he stared into the kitchen area to find park sena sitting directly across from him at the dinning table.

"sena..." he mumbled as they had a wordless staring contest.

just as he was close to speaking again, sunoo emerged from the hallway and stood next to jongseong with his eyes blown as he stared at the woman with a blank look on her face and a mug in her hand.

jay quickly glanced to sunoo before taking one step forward. but once again, before he could break his tongue to talk, the younger male had beat him to it.

"good morning mrs. park." he bowed and gave a polite smile. this was her home after all. he was merely a guest.

sena continued to stare blankly at kim sunoo while blinking slowly. she had nothing to say to him.

"when did you get home?" jongseong cut into the awkward staring competition between the two. he could tell sunoo was becoming uncomfortable.

sena inhaled sharply before removing her gaze from sunoo. 

"over an hour ago." her tone was void of feeling. it was as if she was numb.

"i think i should go..." sunoo began to walk way towards the door when he felt a hand attach onto his wrist gently.

"wait-" jongseong began. he wanted to say 'stay. please don't leave.' but nothing came out. sunoo just smiled and nodded slightly. as if reassuring him, even though nothing was said.

sena watched this interaction. she stared at the way jongseong grabbed sunoo like it was the last time he'd ever see the male. 

finally, her bare expression altered as her eyebrows lowered mildly. the way it was as if the two of them were having a conversation just with a look of the eye filled her with an emotion she couldn't name. 

"it was nice seeing you." sunoo returned his attention from the male, back to sena with a small bow. 

once he was gone, no one said a single word. 

"park jongseong." 

jay snapped his head from the front entrance towards his wife at the sound of her voice.

he prepared himself for another argument, but it never came. 

"who is he to you?" was all she said.

"hm?" he was confused on why she was suddenly asking this question. 

"who is he to you?" she repeated once again before sipping on her coffee once again.

"a friend. what else would he be?" 

"are you asking me, or you?" she returned her mug to the table as she continued to keep her calm aura.

"what are you trying to say?" all of a sudden, jay felt defensive.

"sit down." sena gestured to the seat directly in front of her.

after he followed her directions, there was a pause. almost like the both of them knew what would follow. almost as if they felt it.

sena felt the lump of emotion bob in her throat. she swallowed it down and made direct eye contact with jongseong. 

even through the liquid that began to cloud her eyes.

"i think we should get a divorce, jay..." 

her own words felt like a dagger that pierced through her torso. her voice broke in the middle of her sentence and the tears that she held back began to trickle down her rosy cheeks.

"i- i think it'll be good for both of us." she tasted the salt from the water as it landed on her lips. just as if she was drowning in the middle of the ocean with no one to pull her ashore.

jongseong closed his eyes and tugged on his lip with his teeth. he felt his chin quiver and shake. 

he knew she was right. 

they had known for a long time. neither of them had the strength to say it, to make it reality.

"would that make you happy?" he slowly opened his eyes again. letting the tears he held in, fall to his lap.

sena nodded. 

"i think it would make you happy too. i know you're unhappy. i see it everyday." she choked on her sob. 

"i loved you. i really did." he reached forward to grab onto her smaller hand.

"i know. i knew it all too well." 

her smile was bitter as her lashes were covered with water droplets. "but i need you to let me go." she stared at their hands that rested on their table. "maybe in another life, it was you and me. maybe there, we loved each other right, and we were happy together. but we got this one instead. so i think we should do what we should have a long time ago."

the truth hurts more than the fantasies we make up in our heads to cope.

❀