Bada didn't know what went with her. Maybe it was the dull throb in her head that was already there when she woke up. Or it could be the few pills she took in hopes of drowning out the pain in her knees and head. But she felt out of it. Loopy as if she downed more than a few shots of alcohol.
Maybe that's why she found the courage to do what she did. To, in her hazy mind, grab Y/N's arm and tell her not to go. Maybe that's also the reason why she couldn't quite remember why she even did that in the first place. Doing that just felt right at that moment.
And as they sat there at the back of the van, they both remained quiet. Both turned out to the window in the act of pretending like nothing out of the ordinary just happened. But they were worse at it than they thought.
Mister Park sat between the two. Awkwardly looking at them as he questioned whether this was still covered by his job description or not. He was in the middle of eating when Song Y/N walked over to him with Bada who was apparently sick.
"So..." He cleared his throat as the two girls turned to him. "Should we head straight back to your unit or do you have anywhere else to go first?"
No one answered and in the silence, BAda glanced at Y/N who at that moment was already looking at her. At last, it was Y/N who turned away from her and to the manager.
"We should stop by the pharmacy first... if that's okay."
"Of course, Miss Song. I can't believe that slipped out of my mind." The man shook his head with a small laugh. "Bada here never stocks up her medicine-" He stopped short as Bada cleared her throat and as he turned to her, the sharp look she gave him killed whatever he was thinking of saying next. "... never mind."
When the van finally stopped in front of Seaside Haven, Mister Park felt the urge to just push the two girls out of the door. He felt exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. The awkwardness and tension in the car were in another level and he couldn't be more relieved as he watched the two disappear into the complex lobby.
"What's up with kids these days?" He sighed and slumped into the headrest as the van started moving again.
The walk towards the elevator and up to the unit was absolutely silent. Bada dared not to speak as she constantly tried to solve the puzzle that was Song Y/N's unusually blank face. The girl has said nothing ever since Bada told her to stay and the girl was growing uneasy. But there was no going back now.
"...you should go ahead and rest," Y/N mumbled as they stood in the doorway, shrugging off their coats and shoes. "I'll just... erm, see if we have food." She added before shuffling into the kitchen.
That left Bada standing there in silence as she bit back the urge to say something even without having any idea what to, really. In that, she decided to just do what the girl said and headed to her room.
This feels awkward... Maybe I shouldn't have said that and just bear with Soobin. But then... it wasn't like I begged Y/N, right? I just said it once and she didn't have to, but she did. She chose to stay.
As she laid on her bed, huddled in blankets and pillows, she stared blankly at the gray ceiling. Maybe Y/N's not coming. Her head felt like it was spinning, begging to just fall asleep but she couldn't. She wanted to wait. To see if, no matter how seemingly impossible, Y/n would eventually walk through the door.
And she did. Bada was already slipping in and out of consciousness when the wooden door creaked open. In an instant, she was back to her wits and the urge to laugh came as she saw Y/N's head peeking in before she held it back with a cough.
"Ugh... hi." Y/N mumbled as she swayed the door open with her foot. "I figured you should eat first." She spoke quietly as she slowly, almost hesitantly walked further into the room. She put a steaming bowl of stew on the bedside table and for a moment, just stood there in silence.
"Can you manage on-"
"Stay." Bada felt the ord slipping out before she could even think and with that, she felt her face getting hotter than from the fever as the other girl gaped at her. "... just in case I need something."
The silence that lingered for a moment gave Y/N the assumption that she was going to get turned down, but to her surprise, Y/n gave a small nod. "Okay."
Nothing but the sound of the spoon scraping against the bowl filled the room as Bada ate. Y/N, as she wanted, had stayed and was now sitting on the small couch at the side of the room, as still as a statue as her eyes lingered at about everywhere else but at the bed and her fingers almost nervously fiddled.
"What's wrong with you?"
Y/N's head snapped towards Bada at the blunt statement. Her brows rose, "nothing's wrong with me. What's wrong with you?" She huffed before she seemed to realize what she just said and she looked away, ears red. "Never mind."
Although she might never admit it out loud, Bada knew that Y/n had a point. There must be something really wrong with her that was making her act like the way she was.
Her lips pursed as she turned to her stew. "I feel like I'm dying... this might be a redemption arc..."
Soon, light laughs filled the room, making her look up to see Y/N shaking her head at her. And the girl tried to hide it, but even under her hand, Bada could tell that she was grinning widely. the sides of her eyes were creasing and for a moment, Bada thought how nice it was to see the girl like that again after who knows how long.
"You're fine. Nothing a god rest can't fix." Y/N shook her head. "I thought you knew by now not to work too hard..."
"Can't help it... the recording's too soon." Bada shrugged before she paused.
The situation felt oddly familiar then. Soon it hit her. Something like this has happened before. back then, when they were friends. It must be for a school project or a dance competition - Bada couldn't quite remember now, but she ended up working herself to exhaustion. Y/N wasn't happy about that. the scolding and irritated hits that Bada had received that day made the girl genuinely question if something as trivial as a school project was really worth all that. Ever since that day, Y/n had always been there. The girl was the one Bada's teammates would call whenever they couldn't get their leader to stop and rest.
Badanever thought that something like that could and would happen again now. But that thought had been proven to be wrong, along with her other beliefs these days, it seemed.
It wasn't long before the bowl was empty and she was laying back down on the bed. It was quiet minus the quiet hum of the air conditioner. Y/n was already laying parallel on the couch and from where Bada was, she could tell that the girl already had her eyes closed. Asleep or not, she didn't know.
It was silent but Bada's head was clouded with thoughts. It was awkward now - how the person she was thinking of was in the same room as her, not even five meters away. It was all starting to get confusing. Y/n was confusing her. She found herself being plagued by all the 'what-ifs' that haunted her all those years back. And she was sure that somehow, those same thoughts had haunted the other girl as well.
"If things had been different..." She mumbled wistfully as she looked up at the ceiling. "If we were both just a little braver... we would've stayed together."
~
