The Only Thing (KyloXReader)

Magnets

Life was confusing.

You didn't understand yourself anymore these days. You had spent the entire day after your night with Ren convincing yourself that you wouldn't see him anymore. Then you saw that damn ship and ran to him without a second thought.

You didn't understand Ren either. He was such an asshole, but when you were being hurt, he came to your rescue. When you were almost blubbering over HIM being hurt, he comforted you.

Well, he did so in the only way he seemed to know how. Which was scolding you for doubting him. Had he ever had comfort in his life? Was he constantly walking around in a cloud of anger? It seemed so.

You had tried over the past few days to distance yourself. You took back ways to your class. You brought all meals to your room. You didn't socialize outside of your classroom at all. But you didn't escape him. He was always there, lurking in your shadow.

You'd be on your way to class, and he'd just so happen to take the same corridor. You would be in the  mess hall getting your lunch, and he'd burst in like he owned the place and walked a little too closely to you for your liking.

You tried your best to avoid him. To not notice him. But you couldn't. It was like you could feel his presence before he was there. Your body would tense before he entered the room, as if attuned to him after just one night together.

The worst part was that you weren't entirely convinced that you should avoid him. There was a part of you that wanted to run TO him every time he entered a room. A part that missed him when he walked out, as if you wouldn't be whole without him near you.

Completely ridiculous.

Did he have the same inclination that you did? Was that why he always seemed to follow you? You were like magnets, constantly finding each other, attracted to the other's pull.

You rolled over on your bed to be hit with a disturbing realization. The bed no longer smelled like him, and that disappointed you more than it should. You were screwed.

What did you want?

Long-term, you wanted to get done with this class and start fighting back. You wanted to protect the First order, who had become your new family. You wanted to prove yourself.

Right now? Right now, you wanted to find him. To feel the heat from his gaze searing you. To hear the beat of his heart under the ludacris amount of layers he always wore.

You burried your face in one of your pillows and groaned loudly.

What were you going to do? Being around him had caused nothing but problems for you from the start. There was a part of you, a small part but growing bigger every second, that didn't really care. You felt so cared for next to him. You hadn't felt that sense of safety in years. You didn't think you'd ever feel it again after what happened. How unfortunate that you'd feel so protected under the arm of the most feared man in the galaxy.

Would it hurt to indulge yourself while you were still here? You didn't expect to be here very long. Most young people had a rebellious phase, right?

What would you even be rebelling against?

Yourself. You know it won't end well, but what the hell?

You rolled out of bed and looked at the clock next to you. It was well past lights out, and you're not far from his quarters anymore. You could probably get there without being seen.

Just like that you felt the pull to him strengthen. He hauled you into his orbit and it was impossible for you to escape the gravitational pull.

You padded down the hallway and into his quarters, not even bothering to knock. Just walked in like you owned the place, there, that'll piss him off.

He wasn't there. You quelled the disappointment rising in your chest and was about to leave. He wasn't here. There was nothing for you here.

Then why did you want to stay?

Because it was his. If he weren't here then this was still the closest you could be to him.

The empty feeling in your chest began to feel heavy. No longer an emptiness, but a darkness. A bottomless pit, and you were being dragged into it.

What the hell? Clearly if he didn't want you here he wouldn't have given you complete access to his quarters. You laid in his bed and burrowed under the thick quilt. The pillow had the unmistakable scent of smoke and blood and HIM.

The ache in your chest eased just enough for you to fall asleep.

You stirred at a slight hissing noise and peeked through your lashes. The room was dark, but you could just  barely make out a silhouette in the darkness. Remembering where you were, you closed your lids and settled yourself again.

How would he feel about seeing you suddenly in his bed after days of avoiding him? What would he do? Kick you out? Scream at you?

Just as the anxiety was about to choke you, you felt a gloved hand stroke your hair and heard the shuffle of layers coming off.

"I know you're awake."

Drat.

You felt the bed move under you, and suddenly your whole body shifted. You were pressed to his warm chest, surprised to feel actual skin rather than layers of fabric. An arm snaked around your waist and he rested his head on top of yours.

He must like holding you like that, he seemed to do it a lot. You didn't mind, it felt nice. Safe.

Finally deciding to speak up, you asked, "You don't mind?"

You knew he wouldn't need any more explanation, he knew what you were asking.

"I wasn't displeased to find you in my bed. Especially after you seemed to do your best to avoid me here of late. I much prefer this."

His hold on you tightened after his words and you burrowed into his chest.

You liked this a lot better. You hadn't realized how cold your bed was, how lonely it was. The ache in your chest faded completely, and you found a smile on your face.

Your hand found his chest and you carefully traced a scar on him that ran from his collar bone to below his pectoral. You didn't like the thought of him being hurt. You were terrified the other day, thinking something had happened.

"What did I tell you about worrying about me?"

You knew he meant to chastise you, but the chuckle in his voice took the sting out of it.

You giggled at his words and let your hand rest on his chest, right over his heart. You started to fall asleep to the beating rhythm under your fingertips.

You could get used to this.

Right before sleep finally dug it's claws into you, you could have sworn you heard a quiet voice.

"Me too."