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Drifting away

I'm drifting away, into a far away world where nobody can hurt me.

Nobody can even see or hear me, actually. I really just don't even exist. I'm either here to be ignored, pushing around, forgotten, or judged and watched where everyone can laugh and stare. Sometimes I'm barely here, sometimes my eyes are wide open, forced to stay awake. Lately I've been less and less awake when my eyes are wide. I'm not sad, really. I'm pleased with the weird fading feeling. Like I'm drifting out of my stressed out, hyper aware mind, and simply letting myself be half asleep and thriving in my own head. My own artwork, my own thoughts. The most complicated, tragic, beautiful thing in this whole world. I love it honestly. I'm quite pleased in my far away world. I'm no longer afraid of judgement, maybe because I don't have any in my own mind. Yes, there is fear in my mind. Lots. But when I'm in my own head and own world, the judgement can't find me. It would have to travel through a lot of twisted corners and have to get deep into my mind to find things to judge. On the outside, I am far too normal and far too deep into faking it for anyone to find something to judge. It's like, I'm here, exhausted, overworked, done with it? Done trying? Yeah, that sounds right. I need a long car ride, a vape, a good quilt, and a partner to join me in the madness. Then I'll be safely drifting, truly. I love drifting. I love the fog, the mist of my mind.