R U Mine?

-Pt.18-

Lauren would occasionally go out with Reese or friends she made from modeling. She had realized through this time nothing could beat the happiness she found around the band, around Alex.

She missed him and regretted her decision constantly.

This particular night she went out with Reese, although Reese had left earlier that night she was enjoying herself. Until she heard a familiar laugh, Katie and Hayley. She had only run into the group once going out but did her best to leave, she couldn't bear the sight of seeing Alex or him hooking up with other women.

Lauren had gotten into the habit of poetry, and unbeknownst to her so did Alex. She deeply missed him, knowing nothing could justify her shitty actions.

On her way out Lauren grab her shoes and downed her drink before catching the glance Alex had sent over. She tried to be polite and smile but she felt empty inside. Lauren figured it was late enough, not that she was going to get any sleep.

Alex always hoped Lauren would be out when he was, even though he knew it was over between them, it felt like torture not seeing her or her shining smile. He wanted to break down, crawl back to her, beg her to be with him, but knew it was for the better if he just stood there and watched, not being able to do anything.

Alex started getting way too high without Lauren, often times he found himself texting her over and over or calling her.

"Arabella, you up?"
"Where are you?"
"I wanna see you."
"Why no answer?"

...

"Alex?" Lauren finally responded. "Why'd you only call me when you're high? You have to stop."
"I'm sorry."
"Ale, it's okay. It's my fault. Text me when you get home so I know you're safe." Lauren constantly ignored his calls but she was genuinely worried for Alex.

"Good night Arabella."
"Good night Alexander."

Lauren knew she would be able to sleep, that was a given. As hard as she tried she would only be able to get 3-4 hours a night, it would help fashion week was in two weeks and she would have even less. Lauren found herself shifting through notes Alex had given her or poems she started writing.

'My dear Alexander,

I miss you more than I can express. I used to think that the worst fate is being heartbroken, now I have been and realized I was stupid. But now I have changed, the worst fate is to live my life without you in it. I was wrong to turn you down that night, as I was wrong to leave that morning, people do a lot of stupid things when they're in love, even more stupid without realizing they are.

I do realize that will not manage my actions but I would love you to know I do love you, I always have.

Yours truly,
Arabella'

'Dearest Alexander,

I hate the way you talk to me and the way you style your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare; I hate your aviator sunglasses and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around. And the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. I hate the fact you made me fall so deeply in love with you.

-Arabella'

Something about writing notes Alex would never see, yet getting the words off her chests was so calming to Lauren.

As Lauren looked closer she could feel herself slipping away again, back into one of their memories.

It was right before they had left for tour, Alex and her were hanging out at Lauren's house and Alex stumbled across her old electric guitar.

"Do you play?" Alex called from down the hall to the kitchen.
"What?" Lauren replied making her way to the living room were he had her guitar. "Oh. My dad tried to get me to play but I haven't touched that in years."
"Woah, don't disrespect this beautiful instrument like that, this is one of the best." Alex joked. "Can you play something?"
Lauren laughed then sighed "I could try."

Lauren decided to play sheet music her dad had come up with (the guitar part to 'do I wanna know') when adjusted the guitar and stated playing.

Alex was mesmerized by both Lauren and the sound of the music. He knew he had to experiment with that, so he simply asked Lauren for it. Thankfully she said yes. From that day forward, when he heard that tune he thought of Lauren. He often played it.

Alex sighed remembering what was one of his favorite memories of her, that day was great, they had spent the whole day talking and him falling for her harder.

Alex also had a box fully of poetry and notes from and about Lauren, he also had song lyrics that he had been working on. Tearing up as he red two of his favorite notes he wrote about her.

'My Dearest Arabella,

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that whatever we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent time with each other, learning from each other and growing in love.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you.

I'll be seeing you,
Alexander'

' My dearest Lauren,

My mouth hasn't shut up about you since you kissed it. The idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn't stopped thinking about you since, well, before any kiss. And now the prospect of those kisses seems to wind me like when you slip on the stairs and one of the steps hits you in the middle of the back. The notion of them continuing for what is traditionally terrifying forever excites me to an unfamiliar degree.

Love your,
Alexander'