R U Mine?

-Pt.17-

Lauren's idea of fun wasn't being in the same room as the person she had fought with over being in love with just weeks before, but at last that was how she spent it.

They were all at Miles' house again. Drinking and watching movies.

Halfway through blade runner, which Miles insisted they watch when Lauren said she had never seen it, she got up. Mostly due to her and Alex's tension in the room, they had occasionally traded glances but neither uttered a word to the other.

"I'm just going to get a drink I'll be back in a second." Lauren told them as she quietly skipped over to the kitchen not wanting to disturb the people actually focusing on the movie.

Lauren felt insanely conflicted with herself and she had a hard time trying to decider her feelings. She knew that she thought Alex was attractive and that she enjoyed his company but she had always been persistent on the fact that she never wanted to date him. So it made it very difficult for her to find out she loved him - she'd just have to get over it.

She had already been gone for about 2 minutes and still didn't feel like jointing everyone else again just yet so she stepped outside into Miles' garden.

She had never been a big smoker - only occasionally like when she was drunk or trying to get Alex to warm up to her - but recently craved one due to the stress that her and Alex's relationship put on her. Despite not being an avid smoker she still carried around a pack of cigarettes with her. She leaned against the outside of Miles' house her eyes closed, her head resting against the red brick, as she exhaled.

She jumped, her eyes wide and hand reaching up to her chest, when Alex said, "I was beginning to think that you had left." Alex smirked at Lauren's reaction. She sighed before taking another drag.
"Just needed some fresh air." She explained.
Alex nodded, "Can I have one?" Lauren opened up the pack so he could take one, he placed one in his mouth, Lauren absentmindedly handed him her lighter.

He instantly started coughing and Lauren looked over at him in confusion and worry. He took the cigarette out of his mouth looking at it skeptically and with a look of disgust as he complained, "This tastes like shit!"
Lauren rolled her eyes with a small laugh, "It's because they're organic."
"Those exist?" He asked in shock.
She nodded, "Yeah, I don't think a healthy version of cigarettes exist but these taste so bad that it helps to not get addicted to the taste."
"Fair enough." He replied and despite the horrid taste (that Lauren had kind of gotten used to) he continued to smoke it - though he looked in pain every time he inhaled.

Lauren looked ahead quietly smoking as she looked at the setting sun - though the sky was still a bright blue. Alex shivered as he muttered, "Fucking freezing."

He noticed since he had joined her outside that she hadn't been laughing or smiling as much as usual - she looked ahead, he noticed that she hadn't looked at him much, with a sad expression on her face. He wondered what she was thinking about ; if there was anything he could do to make her feel better about what happened between them. Though she did smirk slightly as she replied, "Says the person wearing a coat."

It went quiet again until Lauren asked, "Have you wrote any new songs? Matt said you're working on a new album." Trying to break the awkward silence, this was the first time they talked since the night at her mom's house.
Alex shrugged, "Almost done with the new album, few more songs needed. But we are realizing a single in a few weeks."

All the songs he had written so far had been about her. He found it impossible to find anything more compelling to write about and every time he tried it would always end up being about her anyway. There were so many things he wanted to say to her but couldn't so instead he wrote it in songs. He just was delaying the part where she would have to listen to the album and have to pretend she didn't know it was about her - he hadn't exactly been subtle about it.

Even though, like they told him they would, everyone had dropped the idea of him and Lauren being together he knew that they could tell that the songs he wrote were about her. They just didn't say anything because they knew he'd just get angry at them.

He couldn't talk about his feelings for her so he found that the only outlet he had was through music.

Then she finally smiled as she turned her head to look at him - reminding him of how her smile could make him weak. It was like everything turned golden when she smiled, her eyes sparkling. "Any that I'm allowed to hear?" She asked hopefully. She had always been enthusiastic about their music.

Alex was desperate to say yes. Maybe if she heard the lyrics - the things that he had been wanting to say to her - everything would change. However, he knew that it was better not to.

"I might play one for you whenever." He said just so he could see the smile that would light up her face and his day. He was sure that he'd be able to find one song that wasn't clearly about her - vague enough that she wouldn't be able to tell. But at the same time he knew they wouldn't be seeing each other much.

Lauren smiled brightly, she had finished her cigarette a while ago but stayed because she quite liked the cold breeze and the warmth of Alex next to her. Though, she was aware that the thing that she enjoyed the most was that it was just them two - his attention was on her again. "Really?"
"If you really want to hear one, then sure." He assured her, watching the way she tried to conceal her smile by biting her bottom lip.
"Okay." She said quietly trying to not sound too enthusiastic - though she did feel slightly like a kid on Christmas. He nodded smiling at her. "I'm going to head back in now, thanks for checking in on me." She told him and he just shrugged telling her that it was nothing.

Everyone had forgotten about the movie (the credits were on the screen and they hadn't bothered to turn it off).

"She's back!" Miles announced throwing his hands in the air. Lauren just rolled her eyes at him with a smile before standing next to him. He wrapped his arm around her giving her a quick squeeze. "Thought you had left."
"Just about to actually." She told him.
"Course." He laughed, he handed her a new drink - she had completely forgotten that the whole reason she had left in the first place was to get a drink. She thanked up and took a sip.

"Thanks for having me, sorry I just don't feel good." Lauren explained half the reason she was leaving.
"Okay, nice seeing you!" Miles replied.

Lauren thought it would be good to leave. Seemed like that band was pretty busy recording and finishing their next album, though she desperately wanted to be there for them, she knew it was better if she started distancing herself from them.