Another Life | chanseungin

evening wine

A/N: Weeooweeoo

Chan hasn't ever been in love. Well, there was Kim Heejae, but that wasn't love. Chan had never paid attention to Seungmin, in a romantic sense. He always ignored the feeling of his heart racing whenever Seungmin was near him, chalked it up to his excitement of having a friend. Chan didn't have friends, he was the foreign boy who was an orphan, 100% organic bully fuel.

He was bullied for many years, he was depressed. He didn't understand what the word meant, but he knew his feelings, he knew that he had nobody. Seungmin was the only person who took interest in talking to Chan. In eighth grade, Chan had been moved to a group home, he was very upset about it. He had grown a liking to his foster family, but child services decided that they were no longed a good fit for Chan. It was annoying. Seungmin came and sat next to Chan, they became fast friends. Chan went over to Seungmin's house all the time, Seungmin's parents thought it was annoying, but they never openly complained.

Seungmin made Chan feel things he'd never felt before, his smile was warms like his mother's hugs and he genuinely cared for him. He thought it was because he hadn't had any friends, not since he moved from Australia. He'd never considered having feelings for him. He never thought anything weird about holding hands with Seungmin or hugging them to sleep. He was his first friend, his best friend. He loved him, he thought it was normal.

Chan stepped into his house and took his shoes off. He walked home, which was about thirty minutes. He needed to think, about what he was going to do. He settled into his environment for a bit, he lit a cigarette, put on his favorite show, and opened a beer. He set the beer down on the table, he hadn't taken a single sip yet. He was contemplating, should he, should he not? He didn't know, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. He'd been doing so well, even though he felt like shit while doing it. After a few hours, he picked the beer up and slowly took a sip.

🍃

"Okay, calm down.." Jeongin said gently.

"C-calm? How am I supposed to calm down? Do you not understand how this ruins everything?!" Seungmin couldn't breathe, he didn't reciprocate Chan's feelings. Chan was his best friend, he loved him and he didn't want this to get between them, but everything was going to be different.
In his experience, staying friends with someone you're attracted to never works out. He was worried about their friendship, he knew it'd never be the same, and he didn't do well with change.

Jeongin just wanted Seungmin to get out of his house, he loved the boy, but he had his own issues. But, he knew Seungmin wouldn't be leaving any time soon. Jeongin couldn't help but feel a bit happy at the fact that Chan's feelings for Seungmin weren't mutual.  Even though Seungmin didn't seem to reciprocate his feelings either, it felt good to know that Chan wasn't competition.

"Okay, listen, I'm going to call you an Uber, you're going to get in it and go home. Talk to Chan, I can't help you with this, I would if I could. I'm sorry." Jeongin said.

Seungmin nodded, he didn't want to go home and talk to Chan, but he knew avoiding it would be bad. So, he sat and waited for his Uber to arrive. It seemed like a long 7 minutes, his mind was reeling.

🍃

Seungmin opened the door to the house, and quickly slipped his outside shoes off. Chan wasn't in the living room, but he saw the surplus of beer bottles on and around the table. He sighed, took his coat off, and went to Chan's room. Chan was at his desk, he was looking for something on his laptop.

"Chan.." Seungmin mumbled. Chan jumped slightly, when he saw him, his face dropped. Chan felt like shit, he was drunk, and tired. Things have changed, he ruined everything, as per usual.

"Hey.." Chan whispered.

"How many beers did you have?" Seungmin questioned, he had bought two six packs, and was holding them for a friend. Seungmin saw at least four on the table, but he thought Chan had drunk more than that.

"Um, all of them."

"You've got to be fucking kidding." Seungmin groaned.

"I'm so fucking stupid." Chan chuckled. "I don't know why I said that to you, I'm sorry."

"So you're saying that it isn't true?" Seungmin hoped, prayed it wasn't true.

"No, I'm definitely in love with you.. I just wish I had said it in private." Chan said.

Fuck.

"You know what, let's forget about that right now. You need to sober up, okay? I'll get you some water." Seungmin said gently.

Chan grabbed Seungmin by the waist and pulled him closer to him so their chests were touching. "No, I swear I'm fine.." He hugged him tightly, as if he were afraid to let go.

Seungmin attempted to push him off, but Chan is quite strong. Chan looked up at him and attempted a small smile. "Chan.. you need to drink some water..." Seungmin mumbled.

Chan's grip tightened around Seungmin's waist. He looked into his eyes and sighed. "I'm in love with you, Seungmin. I have no idea how long, but I am and I can't keep ignoring it."

Seungmin couldn't understand why Chan was doing this to him. He had no idea why he was ruining their friendship, it hurt so much and the one person he'd tell is the one doing it.  Seungmin felt the tears fall from his eyes and Chan panicked. He let him go, placing his hands in Seungmin's.

"Please don't cry.. I'm sorry.."  Chan tried his best to comfort him, to no avail.

"Why are you doing this to me, to us? I've done so much for you, why are you ruining what we have? I love you, just not the way you want me to. Now, we can't ever go back to how we were. I've done so much for you, couldn't you have just lied? For me?" Seungmin sobbed into Chan's shoulder. He couldn't stop.

"I.. think I've done enough lying in my lifetime." Chan muttered.

"I can't have you stay here, not right now." Seungmin said, wiping the tears from his face.

"What?" Chan said.

"I need you to leave, please." Seungmin couldn't look him in the eye.

Chan nodded and went to pack a small bag. He didn't actually get anything, he grabbed his phone, wallet, keys, and a jacket.

He had no idea where he was going, he just kept walking.

tbc~
i actually had this chapter written before the previous one, it's definitely not my best work, but it's alright.

I'd really appreciate it if you voted it helps boost my story