I'll Burn With You (MXM)

Chapter 32 : Benjamin's First Letter

November 19, 1894

Dear Mr. Byrd,
I hope this letter finds you in good health, as is the rest of your family.

I have drafted this letter a few times already before settling on this one. Even now, as you hold it in your hands, I do not doubt that I am still uncertain of it.

Since the last time we last spoke, I earned an official position at my father's general store. I have quit the post office, much to Mr. Pryce's disappointment. You might find it a little surprising that, after everything that happened, I wanted to write you and tell you it. Does wanting to write you make me stupid or does it make me pitiable?

This all must make no sense to you, and for that I apologize. Over the past two weeks, I have found myself growing more and more miserable, though I suspect that is because of you. No doubt there is still disappointment between us, but I believe we have spent so long writing each other that it has become a part of my daily routine, which I cannot simply cut out no matter how desperately I want to.

I know you asked to write when we departed last, but I wondered if it was a worthless attempt because of what happened between us. In all honesty, I did not want to write you. Part of me still does not want to, but for my own entirely selfish reasons, I feel as though I need to for the sake of my own sanity. If possible, I would enjoy being your pen-pal again, even to receive a letter once a month. You have become one of my closest and best confidants over the past year in spite of everything, and I hope those feelings have stayed mutual.

I would absolutely understand if you felt it would not be beneficial in any way. My writing now could possibly be just another mistake in the long line I have already made, and if it causes you any pain from it, please do not hesitate to discard this.

Regardless, thank you for taking the time to read this, Mr. Byrd, and have a good rest of your week.

Sincerely,
Benjamin Mr. Price

P.S. I do not want to ask, either, but I was also wondering if the scholarship was still available to me, as the way we ended things was on a bit of an uncertain note. I would understand completely, as well, if you decided that it would be best to take it back. Please let me know of your decision.