All things ENFP

ENFPs: The desire to be special.

Okay, time for some major self-awareness for our type. I know this isn't something exclusive to myself and that others who share my cognitive functions seem to struggle with this as well, especially if they are neurotic or turbulent. 

Now obviously not all ENFPs (Ne+Fi+Te+Si) are created equally. There are some who are very comfortable with themselves, and they don't compare themselves to other people. I have also noticed INFPs seem to struggle with this problem as well, but since this book is about ENFPs, I'll mostly be talking about them/us. 

Time for a slightly too personal story time. I had some friends in my childhood at school. We would play warrior cats together. Yeah, that's right, I was a warrior cats kid. These friends and I had a very competitive relationship. They would always have to be better at drawing, always have to be the main character when we roleplayed, they always had to be better than me, or at least it seemed that way from my perspective. I had a similar relationship to my cousin who I played with every week since I was an infant. We grew up almost like sisters. But...now we are no longer in contact due to some major family issues. Anyways she was always the cute one, the talented one, and she would always be the one to get me in trouble and look bad compared to her. It always felt like when I was a child, people only wanted to be friends with me so they could feel better than I was. So I believe this was what transformed me into the absolute attention whore I am today. 

I'm a pretty show stopping person in real life. I dress differently than most people, I'm loud and have huge hand gestures. I have a group of friends who are quite similar. We have interesting styles, and we're sort of just a crazy bunch and we're pretty unapologetic about it. This is my college friend group and I believe we are each ENFPs or ESFPs, which is a pretty good explanation. 

Now, unfortunately I have desires for constant validation. I froth validation and I froth attention, but sometimes it feels like I'm an actor. I like to think that I'm being myself, but when I remember the young girl whose ideas always got tossed to the side, I start to feel some impostor syndrome. These days I have "main character energy", and I like things being about me, but is that just me desiring attention? I wonder about this sometimes. 

On the internet in general, ENFPs seem to have a craving for being unique and different. This could also just be my enneagram 4 speaking as well. At the end of the day though, there is more to life than being "different". It's okay to be average, or like other people and we don't need to hold ourselves to high standards or prove anything to anybody. I do hope a day will come where I just stop measuring myself based on how interesting people think I am. We don't exist to entertain anybody, and that is okay. Let's be comfortable being normal.