She Stole The Bride

31

"Can I ask you something, Syd?"

She tossed her salad around her plate, as though her appetite was ruined. I wasn't hungry either.

"Of course." Her eyes looked hesitant.

"Are you repulsed by me?"

Her eyebrows rose, "why would I be?"

I took a deep breath. "Because I've had sex with men."

"I've slept with men in the past too. Why would I be repulsed by you?"

I sunk my teeth into my bottom lip. "Because I've slept with Daniel."

"I have too," Syd responded.

"But more recently than you did. I heard that women can be repulsed by—"

"Amelia, we are just friends. That doesn't matter."

"But what about when we're more than that. Will you be repulsed?"

"I'm not thinking about that. We are what we are right now."

"But is that because you are disgusted by me, right now?"

"I don't know," she said.

Syd seemed annoyed. "I'm sorry," I mumbled. I closed my eyes and tried to regain my composure.

"Amelia," Syd got up and moved towards me. When she knelt down, she reached for my hand and held tightly. "Please don't cry. I don't want you to cry."

I felt ashamed to shed tears in front of her. "I'm, I, I'm so sorry."

I suddenly felt warmth as she pulled me into her. My body shuddered as she held me tightly. "No, I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you. It's, it's hard for me too."

"Is it?" I asked.

Syd slowly pulled way, looking into my eyes. "It's very hard." She took a deep breath. "I'm not repulsed by you, Amelia. I can barely take my eyes off of you. I want you more than anything. But I'm trying to best to be good."

Syd stood and tried to walk away. I grabbed her hand and tugged her towards me. "Syd, please." I fought back more tears. "I need you." My voice cracked.

Syd looked down at me and shook her head. "I keep telling you that I need time. This isn't easy for me either."

"I'm trying my best," I mumbled.

"I know. I'm not trying to intentionally be mean. What we have is complicated."

"If I'd never met Daniel, and you and I did meet again, would you be with me?"

"As long as you wanted me too," Syd said.

"I want you, more than anything. We've waited this long. Why can't we try to be together, now?" I asked.

"Amelia," Syd looked away hesitantly, "because you almost married someone only a few months ago. Forget that he's my ex, and forget about my problems. Amelia, I won't be your rebound. Or the first woman you have a real relationship with. I can't be your stepping stone, or your coming out story. If we pursue something, it needs to be real. It won't be a fling for me, or an experience. I can't be your first. I can't be."

"You're not my first, Syd."

"I'd be your first woman, Amelia."

"I've slept with a woman before."

Syd pulled her hand away and crossed her arms over her chest in the middle of the room. "But you've never dated a woman."

I lowered my gaze. "I haven't. But that doesn't mean you'd be my rebound. Relationships are relationships, whether with men or women." I stood and looked her directly in the eyes. "I've been waiting all this time for you. I believe that. Why do you keep fighting this. It's going to happen. I can't stop thinking about you. Can you stop thinking about me?"

I noticed Syd's eyes filled with tears. "No, I can't."

"I don't want you to. I love—"

"Don't," Syd shook her head. "You're not allowed to say that, Amelia."

"But I do."

"You don't know that. You can't say that unless you mean it."

I responded, "but I do, Syd."

"You barely know me. You can't love me."

"But I do, Syd. I know who you are," I placed my hand against her chest, over her heart. "I know who you are deep down. And I will get to know who you are now, as long as you let me."

"I don't know if I—"

"Will you let me kiss you?" I leaned in, staring into her eyes.

Syd didn't flinch. I could see all of her fears shining in her irises. "Please don't," she said.

"Why?"

"Because I'll never let you go, if you do."

"I'm counting on that."