Strong enough

20

"I'll start your chemo now, is that okay?" Addison asked Meredith while Derek was spooning her

"Sure." Meredith sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, scared she'd start tearing up

"They say it helps when your skin is warm, so I bought a heating blanket for you." Addison muttered.

"You didn't have to do that." Meredith whispered, Addison covered Meredith with the blanket and made sure the area around her port would be warm before she hooked up Meredith to the IV with chemo, still wincing in response as the first minutes it's just really uncomfortable

"Try to take a nap, try to get all the energy you can while this is running. I love you, page me if you need me." Addison tucked Meredith in before she left, ready to call her niece to update her as they had agreed on, which Meredith and Derek didn't know

"Can I get you anything?" Derek offered his wife

"No. Just- Cold." Meredith shivered

"Cuddle in my chest." Derek held her tight, her nose nestled in his chest

"Careful for my stomach.." Meredith muttered

"I won't touch it." He promised and watched how his wife fell asleep in his arms

Derek kept a close eye on his wife, he was really worried as he saw how her facial expressions kept changing the entire time, he saw she was in pain, he saw her skin get more pale every single second

"Shh, I love you so much." Derek whispered but right then his wife's eyes opened, she started gagging, enough time for Derek to jump off the bed but not enough time to pass her a bowl

"Aww." She cried out, the whole bed dirty with vomit

Derek quickly paged for a nurse and lifted his wife to the bathroom, holding a bowl as she threw over but he wanted to clean her, he didn't want her to sit here soaked in her own vomit

"Derek?" Addison jogged inside

"Can you find a nurse to clean her bed? I'll shower her." Derek said

"I'll help." Addison quickly said and helped them out

After a while Meredith was laying down in a clean bed, shivering as she felt so cold

"Mer?" Alex knocked on her door

"A-Alex?" Meredith muttered, barely able to open her eyes as she was curled

"Mer, are you doing okay?" Alex frowned as he walked up to his best friend. He had been away a few days because of a medical emergency in New York, he only texted Meredith during his time away but she said all had been okay,

"Sure." Meredith nodded. "What 'bout New York?"

"Fine.." Alex said, not believing her at all, he saw at her face how much she has lost, immediately worried sick about his friend

"Can you stay with her for a minute? I'll see.. I-" Derek shook his head and quickly left, needing to take a deep breath

"I missed you." Alex hugged her carefully

Meanwhile Addison had found Derek outside of Meredith's room

"Are you okay?" Addison asked her brother in law

"Yeah.. yeah.." Derek nodded. "She's just so damn weak.. I've never seen her so sick before."

"Derek, I don't have great news, maybe we should go inside to talk." Addison suggested

"What is it?" Derek jumped up, making it unable for Addison to enter the room. "I need to know."

"I'll tell you together. I know Mer wants to know first." Addison said, finding it a bit hard to go against her brother in law but she knew Meredith so damn well

Addison entered the room where Alex was brushing his fingers over Meredith's thin arm

"Mer.." Addison sighed softly

"I'll leave." Alex saw them. "Page me if you need me, I'll stop by soon again. Love you." He kissed her head and left

"Wsup?" Meredith weakly muttered, Derek immediately taking her hand in his

"You're too thin, Meredith. Your sats.. it's so dangerously low." Addison shook her head. "I wanna give you a feeding tube, which I know is annoying, and with your kind of cancer probably even more but we need you to eat, you can't because of the pain so the tube will do it for you." Addison said sadly

"Can I refuse?" Meredith asked Addison, she was serious about this

"You can, yes. But then you'll waste away. Your body will go into failure." Addison said sternly, trying to see it as a doctor and not as a sister

"You need this." Derek told her. "She's agreeing."

"I did not say that." Meredith said sternly, hating how she had no control. She was in control of literally nothing anymore

"Mer.. Please." Addison took a seat onto Meredith's hospital bed

"We can't wait a bit longer?" Meredith asked

"No, not if we wanna keep it safe. I don't want you to stay here months in a row, Mer." Addison grabbed Meredith's other hand

"Me neither.." Meredith muttered sadly. "But a feeding tube?"

"Yes, I'm really sorry. But you gotta admit you just can't eat enough, Mer."

"I know." Meredith nodded, wiping her tears away

"Can I start the procedure? Just so we can get over with it." Addison offered

"R-Right now?" Meredith whimpered

"Yes please." Addison nodded

"Kay.." Meredith muttered

Addison went to grab all the tools she needed, she had paged Bailey as well, not wanting to have some random nurse to help with this

"You know the drill, I'll put it inside and you will swallow. Once it's over we'll push in some meds for you to sleep." Bailey explained and started, Addison and Bailey managed to put it in pretty quickly but Meredith was whimpering in pain

Which was to be expected, after all the cancer was overtaking her stomach so they had to be careful

"Okay, okay.." Addison hugged her best friend who was crying in her arms

"It's over, Mer." Derek kissed his wife's head softly

"I- I can't-" She whimpered as Bailey administered some morphine

"It's gonna be over really quickly." Addison said, unable to keep fighting the tears that were now streaming over her cheeks. "Just close your eyes, please."

"Hurts.. D-Don't wanna do this-" Meredith muttered weakly, gagging a few times before she finally fell asleep