The Desire Variable | Rewrite

⸻ SEVENTEEN ⸻

Nauseous, I look at anything but him. As if to add to my shame, I meet the driver's eyes in the rearview mirror. My stomach churns with disgust at the concupiscent look the stranger gives me. I reach for the handle, ready to get out, but Oliver rests his hand on my arm, holding me back.

"Andy, I..." He struggles to find what to say, his mind still blurry. I glance at the driver, who isn't missing an ounce of this. "I really want to come up with you, but I want to do this the right way, because I really like you," Oli continues. "I don't want us to rush into things, because I want this to work out."

My heart is in my bowels now, and I'm really going to be sick. I need to get away from this situation, the car, Oli...

During my moment of insanity, Oli's jacket fell from my shoulders. I pick it up from the floor and hand it to him before pulling the handle. "Thank you for everything, Oli," I say as I exit the vehicle.

The door is barely closed when I hear the driver shout at Oli, "Are you crazy, man?!"

As I make my way to the apartment, I somehow feel even worse than I did on Friday evening, after Lex brought me home. And deep down, I know exactly why. Had I not kissed my boss, this just now would have been the best kiss of my life. Better than with any of my boyfriends or flings.

But I know better now. I know too much.

Tammy's in the living room when I get there, and the smudged red lipstick betrays me, despite how much I tried to clean it up in the elevator. When she asks me how it went, I give her two thumbs up and the best fake smile I can muster. I'm alone in my room when my phone rings. Please, let it not be Oli...

On the screen, I see the face of the only person I might agree to talk to right now. My voice of reason. Kate. "So! Tamika texted me to tell me the date went great! Tell me everything!" comes her familiar voice when I pick up.

"I literally told her five seconds ago."

"We've been texting the entire evening. We're rooting for you, guys." Okay, those two are getting a little too close. Since I say nothing for a while, Kate worries. "Babe, is everything all right?"

"I—I kissed him on the way home."

"And...?"

"It wasn't—It wasn't like when I kissed..." I stop, letting her fill in the details. Admitting it out loud is too much.

"Andy. Do you like Oli?" she asks after a long moment of reflection.

"Yes, a lot."

"And, do you like you-know-who?"

"He isn't Voldemort; you can say his name, you know. And no, I don't. I want to fuck him up, but mostly in the bad way."

"Okay, then it's just a sex thing."

"A what?"

"Clearly, the man is sex on a stick. Of course he'd make your hormones squirm with want. You like Oli, but you want to bang Alexander. There's a pretty simple remedy to this."

"What?"

"You need to fuck the man out of your system." Her matter-of-fact tone isn't enough to sell it.

"Yeah, right. I have to fuck my boss to get over him. I really don't see how it could backfire," I sarcastically say. "Brilliant plan, blondie. Call me again when another one of those moronic brain farts comes to you."

"I'm the one experienced in wanting assholes, remember? You need to fuck them to get over them. If you're lucky, he'll be amazing at it and you'll have to do it a couple of times. Or else he'll suck and all the sex appeal will fade away."