All the Aspec & AroAce Things

Accepting Identity: Every Little Bit Matters

I have a harder time accepting my Aromanticism than I do my Asexuality. I don't know if I can really tell you a specific reason as to why. I know how much both romance and sex are idolized in the world, but I didn't really ever have a difficult time accepting the fact that I'm Asexual. When I thought about it I was like, "Ohhhh. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense." And that was that. My Aromanticism, on the other hand. I still have a hard time accepting it. Which isn't uncommon in AroAce folks, I feel like. I've seen-mostly through reddit-that more people have trouble accepting that they're Aromantic over Asexual. In my opinion, it makes sense. But maybe it's because of how I see things.

For me, I realized that I was Aromantic first. And I might've already touched base on this on my past parts I've written, but that's okay. (I haven't written on here in a hot minute, so bear with me) I didn't really think too much about being Asexual as well until a few weeks later, when I did some more researching. And like I said before, my reaction was kind of like *yeah, makes sense.* My brain will come back to being Aromantic and flood my thoughts with all the negatives that the world shoves onto our community. When the only people we need to be listening to is ourselves. You know yourself better than anyone else knows you. If you feel you're Aromantic, you're Aromantic.

Part of the reason why I haven't written on here in so long is because I dropped the AroAce label for a while. I told myself that the reason why I was feeling lonely and sad is because I'm identifying with a label that isn't right for me. When in reality, I was identifying with a label that actually is right for me and I was just letting our good ol' society's thoughts become my own. My AroAce identity has been THROUGH IT. And I know it'll still go through more things, but I just have to keep checking in with myself: What do I really want? I know myself the best. And when that question is asked in the terms of romance and sex...hmmm, yeah, nah. I love my romcoms and all that, but when I think about a real life romantic relationship with myself included, those uneasy feelings come into play. I'd much rather be on my own, thanks. Same with sexual scenarios, which, I don't include myself in. If I'm reading a rather smutty book, I'm reading the character's experiences, not my own. I don't envision myself as the character. And the thoughts associated with my Asexual side are a bit more repulsive, I'd say. I wouldn't call myself sex-repulsed, but more like sex-averse. Which, to put it in simpler terms, sex-averse and repulsed Asexuals, neither want to have sex but sex-repulsed Aces are more disgusted by the idea. Hopefully that gives some more clarity. 

I've thought a LOT about this, if you couldn't tell. I'm sure, if you've read my other parts, you're probably like, "Dude, I already know this, this is the tenth time you're repeating it." Which...you wouldn't exactly be wrong. But something about accepting a part of yourself has to do with repetition, in some way. I think so, anyway. And for me, repeating these kinds of things to more people than just myself doubles the help it already gives me. If you need to accept a part of you yet, then maybe try this! You never know what could help. :)

I think I have finally started coming to a point in my AroAce identity where I'm okay with just being. Where I don't feel as though I need to have affirmation every day in my identity, but having it every now and then always helps. Like now, this is a form of affirmation that helps me. And the little things, like doodling a page in a notebook that's all AroAce pride related. Or buying little Aromantic and Asexual pride things. (I just got an Aromantic ring in the mail today and I'm loving it) The little things give big feelings of validation and affirmation.

So even though at some points I need that little bit of validation or affirmation in my Aromantic and/or Asexual identity, I'm making progress and that's what matters. I hope you see that any little bit of your progress matters too. No matter what the size of the steps you take are.

<3