if she was mine

hate the way i love you

fuck all of you.

i told myself i wouldn't fall after her

told myself I would wait

i would wait for my fairytale

do you know how long that lasted?

two weeks.

two weeks after her and i was already falling.

and then

in the midst of falling

you came around

and now i'm confused

because how am i supposed to live with this information

this wonderful horrible information you have given me

and not think about you in that way

i have fallen for you because you have fallen for me

and that is the worst feeling

because now i do not know what is real and what is fiction

do i like you or do i like the attention?

but the way you text me

i don't ever want to go to sleep

i would stay awake forever

to talk to you

why would you talk to me like that?

why would you tell me shit like that?

why would you be the closest thing to perfect i have ever met 

i was fine

i was fine with her

i knew i would not be a thing with her and i could handle that pain because she was beautiful and we were friends

but now you've gone and made me fall for you

and you like me too.

what the fuck am i supposed to do?

i have to leave you.

i have to leave and i can't be with you and i can't risk ruining this beauty we have found

but i love the way you make my heart feel

fuck

i hate you.

i hate you so much.

because i love you. i hate that i love you in more ways than one.