Wishing

Distress

Malena

I have to admit... I'm an idiot.

I fucked things up.

I stand by the bus stop with Henry in my arms, watching the bus drive away. You know the feeling when you said something to a person that's so bad, there's no coming back from it and you want to hit yourself because you feel stupid? Yeah, that's how I feel.

"Fucking..." I trail off and scoff. I look down to see Henry and sigh. "I fucked up, didn't I?" He meows and I drop my shoulders and force myself to walk away to my apartment.

On my way, I think about everything that happened. My legs are sore from doing all the work and I can still feel him between my thighs. I feel guilt and shame all over me. I had never done something like this before. I've had sex a few times and it's only been with people I dated, not with some stranger I vaguely know.

It was amazing, yet it's not like me.

The worst part is that I basically shot him down bad but I didn't want to give him any false hopes. I got out of a bad relationship recently and I need to do a lot of self work and healing. I don't even know if he actually expects something to come from what happened, if he wanted something with me or not, but I can't let him develop any sorts of feelings because I won't be able to offer anything to him.

I make it to my neighborhood and I smile, feeling home. I fish my keys from my purse and walk into my apartment complex. As I walk by the doorman, who's working on one of his crossword puzzles.

"Night, Ed." I wave my hand to get his attention. He looks up and shoots up from his seat and goes to the janitor's closet and runs out with a small bouquet of flowers and a small box.

"This came in for you, Miss Espinoza." He hands them over to me and I furrow my brows. "Long night?"

"You have no idea." I mumble, setting Henry down. "Think Mr. Cohen will be mad about my new pet?" I ask and he looks down to see Henry.

"Most likely."

"Would it be a bad idea to bribe you?" I joke, making him laugh.

"Depends what you'll be bribing me with." He laughs, walking back to his seat.

"What about some food? Any time I make something, you'll get a full plate."

"You've just bought my silence." I laugh at his reply and I begin walking, Henry follows me inside his elevator.

"Thanks so much, Ed!" I wave goodbye before the doors close. I start to zone out, thinking about how I fucked John. I was so intense with him, it's like I become someone else. I can almost feel myself drool when the doors of the elevator ding open and I see Abel walk in. He smiles as he sees me and then furrows his brows as he sees Henry. It's like he didn't see the flowers or box.

"Got a pet?"

"Yeah." I smile, feeling Henry lean against my leg. "You did your laundry." This came out less of a question and more of an observation said out loud.

"Yeah." He nods.

"Nice." I have nothing else to say so I just stay quiet and then hear him sigh.