Leap of Faith

Jakes Dream

I gasp awake, heart pounding, the roar of the crowd still echoing in my ears. In my dream, I'm soaring through the air in a cheerleading uniform, my teammates launching me skyward with all eyes on my fluid grace. But doubt crashes the fantasy as I glance down at my lanky body tangled in sheets. How can I ever belong on a squad when I look so...masculine?
Sighing, I trudge downstairs where my sister Emma regales Mom with animated stories from cheer practice over breakfast.
"and then Ashley nailed her full twist cradle! The crowd went nuts cheering our routine. I can't wait for regionals next month!" Emma exclaims, eyes sparkling.
I quietly butter toast, hanging on her every word, each syllable fueling the envy burning in my gut. What I wouldn't give to share her passion and be part of something bigger than myself. Mom studies my face, brow furrowed.
"Jake honey, you've barely touched your food. Is everything okay? Are you stressed about homework again?"
I swallow hard. It's now or never.
"Actually...I...I had a dream last night. About cheerleading." I stare at my plate. "Crazy, right?"
Silence stretches as I brace for ridicule. Then a gentle hand covers mine.
"Oh sweetie, that's wonderful that you've discovered a new passion! Courage and authenticity are what matter most in this world."
My head snaps up. Mom beams at me with pride, not a flicker of judgement in her eyes. Emma grins.
"That's awesome, little bro! Hey, I can show you some moves after school if you want. Give you a taste of the cheer life!"
Gratitude and relief swell in my chest, threatening to spill out my eyes. I nod, not trusting my voice.
That afternoon, Emma leads me onto the deserted football field, eyes gleaming with excitement.
"Okay, let's start with a simple prep! Bend your knees, keep your arms strong, and push off the ground in a high V. Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8!"
I mimic her posture, ignoring the flutter in my stomach, and launch into the air with all my strength. For one euphoric second, I'm flying, suspended in blissful freefall...until I crash to the turf in a graceless heap.
"Ow," I groan, cheeks blazing.
But Emma just laughs and pulls me up. "Not bad for your first try! You've got natural power, we just need to refine it. Again!"
Over and over she drills me on skills - jumps, lifts, kicks, formations. My muscles ache and my ponytail slaps my flushed face, but a thrill of accomplishment zings through my veins. I'm actually doing this!
After two hours, we collapse on the bleachers, sucking down water. Emma nudges my shoulder.
"You did great today, Jake. Seriously, you're a natural. Have you thought about trying out for the squad?"
Ice cascades through my belly. "What? No way. I mean, I don't have any experience. And I'm not...I don't look..." I gesture helplessly at my body.
Emma's eyes soften. "Hey. None of that matters. If cheer makes you happy, you deserve to pursue it."
I nod, throat tight, as dreams and fears wage war within me. Emma must sense my spiraling thoughts because she squeezes my hand.
"I know it's scary to put yourself out there. But you have more courage than you realize. And I'll be with you every step of the way. Always."
Tears blur my vision. I pull her into a fierce hug, our sweaty limbs tangling.
"Thanks, Em. I love you," I whisper into her hair.
"Love you too, little bro. No matter what."
The next day at school, I keep my head down, anxiety still churning in my gut. I robotically switch out books at my locker, lost in thoughts, when a tap on my arm startles me. Jenny, my best friend since diapers, stands there looking concerned.
"Hey, you okay? You've been quiet all morning."
I debate brushing her off, but her kind eyes draw out my fears like a magnet. Slowly, haltingly, I recount my cheer dream and clandestine practice with Emma. Jenny listens without interruption, her hand never leaving my arm.
"Wow, Jake. I had no idea you felt this way. But I'm so proud of you for being brave enough to say it out loud."
I shrug, staring at my scuffed sneakers. "I'm terrified, Jen. What if people laugh at me? What if I embarrass myself? I'm not...I mean...my body doesn't exactly scream 'cheerleader', you know?"
"Hey, look at me." Jenny tilts my chin until our gazes lock. "You are so much more than your body. You are talented and passionate and courageous. And anyone who judges you for pursuing your dreams can kick rocks."
A laugh bubbles out of me, the first of the day. "Thanks. I needed that." I envelope her in a crushing hug. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Probably crash and burn," she teases, mussing my hair. "That's what best friends are for."
The bell rings, sending us scurrying to class. But I walk a little taller, my two biggest supporters at my back.
That afternoon, I take the long route home past the football field, stomach flipping as I spot the JV cheer squad practicing in the distance. My eyes find Emma immediately, her long hair swishing as she directs the team through kicks and structures. Yearning burns in my chest. I want to be out there so badly it aches.
But approaching them now in basketball shorts and a hoodie seems impossible. Not when every inch of this body feels like a cage trapping the real me inside. Sighing, I continue my trek, kicking pebbles and dreaming of flying.
Safely back in my room, I dig through my closet until I unearth a treasure - Emma's old cheer uniform from freshman year. With trembling fingers, I draw the pleated skirt to my torso, stroking the red and gold sparkles. Memories of dress-up games and living room performances dance behind my eyes, reminding me of simpler times before puberty shattered everything.
I square my shoulders and nod at my reflection. If Emma could push through the fear to become captain, so can I. I just have to find the courage within myself. Somehow.
That night, sleep remains elusive, anxieties and hopes chasing each other in my mind. When I finally drift off, my dreams call me to the field once more. But this time, the skirt swishes around my hips as I dance, ponytail tickling my neck. Strong arms launch me skyward and this time, I stick the landing, beaming with uninhibited joy.
For one blissful moment, I'm completely free, supported and celebrated. Maybe someday that could be my reality.
Sunlight eventually rouses me and I stumble downstairs to help Mom in the garden, hands automatically potting begonias while my thoughts spin.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Mom asks after I nearly impale a daisy.
I exhale shakily. "Just...trying to find my authentic truth, I guess. It's hard."
Mom nods, patting soil. "The most worthwhile paths often are. But you'll get there. And we'll be cheering you on every step of the way."
Tears prick my eyes and I nestle into her side, soaking up her unwavering belief in me. With a family like this, how can I fail?
After breakfast, Emma corners me in the hallway, hands on hips.
"I know that look. You're freaking out inside, aren't you?"
I slump against the wall. "I want to do this so badly but...I'm scared, Em. Of judgement, of failure, of losing myself."
She grips my shoulders, green eyes blazing. "You listen to me, Jake Tobin. You are strong. You are brave. And you have a squad behind you that will fight anyone who tries to dull your shine. Courage isn't about being unafraid - it's about being afraid and doing it anyway. And I know you've got courage in spades."
I sniffle, clasping her wrists. "You really think I can do this?"
"I know you can. And more importantly, I know it will make you happy. That's all that matters."
Her conviction ignites something in my chest - a glimmer of hope, of possibility. Maybe I don't have to suffocate this side of myself forever.
Squaring my shoulders, I march toward the front door, Emma flashing me an encouraging thumbs up. Today, I choose to nurture the persistent flicker of my cheer dreams.
And someday soon, I'll have the courage to let that flame burn bright for all to see. Someday.